.DEVRIES. IBARRA &CD. 'I,
Importers,
,3 Beacon St.- Boston. *l
|0isiai
GROTESCO-COMICO-HEROIC POEM
Dr. Carl §rn0I& |iorittm
CHARLES T. BROOKS
TRANSLATOR OF " FAUST," " TITAN," ETC., ETC.
PHILADELPHIA :
RI CKC Ij B ^f ]? O L, ID T .
LONDON :— TRUBNER & CO.
1863.
Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1863, by
F. LETPOLDT.
In the Clerk's office in the District Court of the United
States in and for the Eastern District of Pennsylvania.
PRINTED BT KING & BAIKD.
t
THE
£ift ©pintails, Mm$, anb /ate
OF
IjfipFDnimus 3tofes,
TUB
CANDIDATE,
A
MAN WHO WHILOM WON GREAT RENOWN,
AND DIED
AS
Night-Watch in Schildeburg Town.
Throughout, beginning, end, and middle,
Adorned with wood-cuts, neat as a. fddle,
A gay historia, fithy and terse,
Writ in new-fashion doggerel verse.
TRANSLATOR'S PREFACE.
CARL ARNOLD KORTUM, the author of this unique
poem — which may almoft be faid to form a genus by
itfelf — was born at Miihlheim in 1745, and died as
Phyfician, at Bochum, a fmall town in Weftphalia,
in 1824, in the eightieth year of his age. If we knew
the particulars of his life, we might perhaps find in
him an anfwer to Solomon's queftion in regard to
laughter: "What doeth it?" namely, It prolongeth
man's days.
The Jobfiad enjoys a great and general popularity
in its native country,* and is, of courfe, a particular
* In Marggraff's Houfe-treafury of German humor occurs
the following : —
"The Jobfiad firft appeared anonymoufly in 1784, and
has now reached its Tenth Edition, [of feveral thoufand
copies each] which may well be regarded as a proof of the
power of this jolly book to ftand the teft of time. A book
may attain to feveral editions in fwift fucceflion, and then
after all be fuddenly forgotten or no more read 5 but when,
after half a century, new editions of a book are ftill called
viii Trait/later 's Preface.
favorite of ftudents, feveral of whom the tranflator has
heard recite paflages from it — " pompoufly fquaring
the circle defcribed by the wrinkle round the mouth,"
as Jean Paul fays of Schoppe — with exceeding rich-
nefs of comic effecl. Perhaps, indeed, to be perfectly
for and pafs out of print again, — this is certainly a proof of
its having a kernel of national and lafting vitality. The
Job/lad owes the popularity which it ftill continues to find
as well to its draftic drollery in the invention and manage
ment of characters and fituations, and their ethico-hiftorical
intereft, as to the circumftance, that pedantry, with its in
numerable abfurdities, (which, indeed, forms the main object
of this comic poem) has not even to this day died out in
Germany, and will hardly ever die out, though it fhould
from time to time allume different forms. The treatment
betrays an original vis comica and a naive drollery fuch as
are at this day feldom found ; nay, the comic rifes fome-
times even to humor, infofar as we may regard it as one of
the peculiarities of humor, that the Poet tofles about the
world, which he fees at his feet, with fovereign caprice, with
an ideal whimficality, that never fuffers itfelf to be degra
ded, by the follies on which it exercifes its perfiflage, to the
level of hypochondriacal moodinefs or a fchoolmafter-like
pedantry The Jobfiad owes a great part
of its efteft to the peculiar doggerel, fince become typical,
managed by him with the moft riotous extravagance of
whimfy, and yet at the fame time with the fure hand of a
mafter, which Kortiim, with happy hit, himfelf originally
created for his epic."
Tranjlator's Preface. ix
enjoyed and appreciated, fuch a produ6Kon mould be
heard as read by fome one who has the fkill and fpirit
to give it the proper tone and t<wang, or, perhaps, it
might advantageoufly be accompanied with a fcale
of mufical and nafal intonation.
By way of giving the reader all the help the cafe
feems to admit, in the abfence of the defiderata jult
referred to, the translator will add a few remarks in
refpeft to rhyme and rhythm.
It will be obferved, as one of the commoneft re
quirements in making out the meafure and fecuring
the comic effeft, that all forts of liberties are taken,
for inftance, with accent. Thus, for the fake of rhyme,
fuch words as Baron, Turkey , Father, and many
others, have the ftrefs transferred to the laft fyllable j
and fo, too, frequently, contrary, neceJJ~ary, will fome-
times have the emphafis thrown on the laft fyllable
but one. — Equal licence is allowed in fpelling. Svoahia
is fpelt Siuaby to rhyme with baby. Nature is fpelt
Natur to rhyme with Senater. The final g is repeat
edly cut off from participles. Thus fpinning becomes
fpinnin1 for the fake of making it rhyme with women.
— But the reader's Yankee fenfe will do juftice to all
thefe things as he goes along, and pra&ice will beget
fmoothnefs, the rough quality being gradually worn
off by the friction and heat of a rapid movement.
x Tranjlators Preface.
One word more in regard to the metre of this ram
pant doggerel, and the tranflator, with the author, com
mits his work to the " indulgent reader." The metre
is certainly fomewhat particular metre. The fhorteft
and moft fatisfa&ory key to be given for the fcanning
is to fay, boldly, that each line confifts of four feet,
each foot containing as many or few fyllables as the
cafe may require. We will give a fpecimen, trufting
that the reader will then feel competent to career
with great rapidity, precifion and fatisfa&ion over the
roughnefles that moft ferioufly
'• Shake the rackt axle of Art's rattling car,"
and the occafional extended trafts of verfe, that might
otherwife prove to fome readers in this fail age a
dead mans journey.
Take, then, the following, which we divide, thus : —
(the odd fyllable over and above the four feet in the
firft couplet being a mere flourifh, or kick-up of the laft
foot — the hind foot, fo to fpeak, of the quadruped] : —
" If one | of his pa j tients chanced | to recov | er,
| It was triim | peted | the coun | try o | ver,
And they said behold ! | the fa | mous man |
Has wrought | a won | drous cure | again. !
" But if he happened to lofe his patients,
Or they died in the midft of his operations,
'Twas then : He died for want of breath,
There's not an herb growing 's a cure for death."
Tranjlator 's Preface. xi
The Job/lad will already have had a certain intro-
duftion and commendation in this country by the four
genial pictures of Hafenclever, now in Philadelphia,
the firft reprefenting Jobs as he comes home to his
aftonifhed family from the Univerfity, the fecond as
he appears before the Clerical Board of Examiners
as a candidate for the miniftry, the third, as a fchool-
mafter, and the fourth, as night-watchman. Thefe
pictures were for a long time on exhibition at the
Dufseldorf Gallery in New York, and the two chapters
of this tranflation containing Jobs's letter to his parents
for money, when he was at college, and the elder
Jobs^s anfwer, were printed in full in the catalogue of
the exhibition, having originally appeared, (the firft and
only portion of the Job/lad ever printed till then in
Englifh) in the " Literary World," at that time under
the tafteful, fpirited and generous management of the
brothers Duyckinck, whofe kindnefs the tranflator
here gratefully remembers.
CONTENTS.
CHAPTER I.
\
Preface, and the Author fets out to defcribe the ftory of
Hieronimus Jobs, deceafed, and he gives his little
book the paternal benediction ............................ I
CHAPTER II.
Of the parents of our hero and how he was born, and
of a memorable dream which his mother had ......... 5
CHAPTER III.
How Mrs. Jobs, in child-bed, received a vifit from her
female friends, and what Ma'am Goflip Schnepperle
prophecied of the child .................................. IO
CHAPTER IV.
How the child was baptized, and how he was named
Hieronimus
CHAPTER V.
How the little child Hieronimus occupied himfelf ...... 17
(xiii)
B
xiv Contents.
CHAPTER VI.
Actions and opinions of Hieronimus in his boyifh years,
and how he went to fchool 19
CHAPTER VII.
How" the boy Hieronimus went to the Latin fchool,
and how he did not learn much there 23
CHAPTER VIII.
How Hieronimus's parents, with the Rector and other
friends, took counfel what they fhould make out of
the boy 26
CHAPTER IX.
How the gipfy Urgalindina was alfo confulted about
Hieronimus, who underftood the chiromantic art 28
CHAPTER X.
How Hieronimus took leave of his parents and brothers
and fifters, and ftarted for the univerfity 33
CHAPTER XI.
How Hieronimus came on horfeback to the poft-ftation,
and how he found at the inn a diftinguifhed gentle
man, named Herr Von Hogier, who gave him whole-
fome leflbns, and was a knave 36
CHAPTER XII.
How Hieronimus took the poft-wagon, and how he
found therein a fair one with whom he fell in love,
and who ftole his watch 42
Contents. xv
CHAPTER XIII.
How Hieronimus at the Univerfity did diligently ftudy
Theology 45
CHAPTER XIV.
Contains the copy of a letter, which, among many
others, the ftudent Hieronimus did write to his
parents 49
CHAPTER XV.
Here follows a copy of the written reply of old Senator
Jobs to the foregoing letter 57
CHAPTER XVI.
How Hieronimus finifhed his ftudies, and how he jour
neyed home, and how it flood with his learning ;
nicely reprefented in the prefent engraving 66
CHAPTER XVII.
How Hieronimus booted and fpurred, returns to his
friends 69
CHAPTER XVIII.
How Hieronimus now began to be clerical, and how he
got a black drefs and a peruke, and how he preached
for the firft time in the pulpit, &c 74
CHAPTER XIX.
How Hieronimus was examined for a Candidate, and
how he made out 79
xviii Contents.
CHAPTER XXXIII.
How Hieronlmus conceived a defire to be a play-actor,
and how he was perfuaded thereto by Mifs Amelia... 162
CHAPTER XXXIV.
How Hieronimus became a real player, and how Mifs
Amelia was falfe to him and ran off with a rich
gentleman, and how he alfo in defperation went
away 165
CHAPTER XXXV.
How Hieronimus returned home to Schildeburg and how
he found there all forts of changes 168
CHAPTER XXXVI.
How Hieronimus became night-watchman in Schilde
burg, and how his mother's dream and Mrs. Urgal-
indina's prophecy were fulfilled 171
CHAPTER XXXVII.
How Hieronimus received a vifit from friend Death,
who took him to his reft. A chapter which would
do for a funeral fermon 175
CHAPTER I.
Preface, and the Author sets out to describe the story if
Hieronimus Jobs, deceased, and he gives his little
book the paternal benediction.
RESPECTED READER! for thy edification,
And likewife for my own recreation,
A fuperfine hiftory I plan,
Of Hieronimus Jobs, a remarkable man.
i CO
i" 'The L{fe.t Opinion?, Actions and Fate
a. Of whom I have many things to mention,
Deferring your particular attention,
And who, in all this life's queer mufs,
Was a curious Hieronimus.
3. To tell all about him were out of the queftion,
'T would be too much for the reader's digeftion,
And paper and fpace would be quite too fmall
To recite his adventures each and all.
4. I have refpefting him many Data,
But confine myfelf to the prominent Fata,
And tell what he did from the day of his birth
That was moft memorable on the earth.
5. Now, as I have received from St. Apollo
The laudable gift of rhyme, it will follow
That inftead of telling my tale in profe
A veiy fine kind of verfe I chofe.
6. I may not always adopt that meafure
In which a cultivated ear finds pleafure ;
The indulgent reader will confider meanwhile
That this is what they call the popular flyle.
7. From my anceftor, old Hans Sachs, I inherit
As a fecond nature, the rhyming merit,
Hence it is that I hold poefy fo dear,
And relate all things in verfes here.
8. There's nobody but that rehearfes
My coufin, the Wandfbeck meflenger's verfes,
And yet, compared with my fabric, you'll find
That his are very far behind.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate.
9. I have at the fame time labored bufily,
As the indulgent reader will fee very eafily,
To have the book, as was right and good,
Adorned with fine engravings in wood.
10. But as new engravings were fcarce and coftly,
I have borrowed from other fources moftly,
And yet it would puzzle any one to tell
That they 'were borrowed, they fit fo well.
11. They're none of Chodowiecki's chefs-d'oeuvre,
I aim oft flatter myfelf, however,
They will do as well, or well enough,
To help the book through a world fo rough.
12. And, then, if the pictures are not the neateft,
The verfes, too, are not the completed,
And fo the two exactly agree
And make out a perfect harmony.
13. And now little Book, I'll no longer delay thee;
Go hence, to the fons of men difplay thee;
There's many a book no better than thou,
Is yearly fent to the Fair, I trow.
14. And yet allow me one moment to linger,
While I place on thy head my authorial finger,
And like a father benignantly,
Pronounce, dear Book, a blefling on thee !
15. May heaven protect thee a good long feafon
From critics, moths and lamp-paper treafon,
And all other mifchiefs that await
Printed books at the prefcnt date.
4 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
1 6. Thou wilt have, both in and out of Swaby,
Thy native land, many readers, may be ;
That paper, printing and labor of brain,
May not, God help us ! have been in vain.
17. Go now and with my greetings hie thee
To all and each who read and buy thee,
And to every worfhipful Reviewer,
My fpecial compliments, be fure.
1 8. Tell them, (but foftly, that they may not be offended,)
How they have often reviewed and recommended,
Many a book before now,
That was much worfe written than thou.
NOTES.
Stanza 8. The Wandjbcck meffenger means that fimple-
hearted old German, Claudius, born in 1743, who so called
himself and took for the motto of his papers, " sffmus, omnia
fua fecum portans." (Afmus, carrying all his poflefiions with
him.)
Stanza 10. And yet the learned reader will detect in the
wood cut that heads this chapter, the traditionary picture of
St. Luke, attended by the Ox, and writing his gofpel.
Stanza II. Chodowiecki was a famous German artift in
this line, born at Dantzic in 1723.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate.
CHAPTER II.
Of the parents of our hero and how he nvas born, and
of a memorable dream which his mother had.
T>EFORE I go further, it is my intention,
Of our hero's two parents to make mention,
And a word or two muft be alfo fet forth
Concerning his true place of birth.
6 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
2. It was, then, a little town in Swaby,
\Vhere the parents lived who had this baby,
And there his father, Hans Jobs by name,
Was a coimfellor of confiderable fame.
3. He was rich in cattle and that fort of blefling,
Befide our hero many other children pollefling,
Of the male fex and female no lefs,
And lived, on the whole, in peace and happinefs.
4. He had in wine fome little dealings,
Was an upright man in his walk and feelings,
Juft both at home and in council hall,
And a great economift withal.
5. A genuine Lutheran in his religious perfuafion,
In philofophy neither Wolfian nor Cartefian,
Becauie in fact neither Wolf nor Kant
Noi any philofophy could he underftand.
6. To ftudy, however, he had fomewhat attended,
And for a whole year the gymnafium frequented,
And confequently, fo far, knew much more
Than any worfhipful counfellor had done before.
7. When poor folks came, he loved to befriend them,
And for a pledge would gladly lend them,
And never charged more than ten per cent,
And was fomewhat phlegmatic in temperament.
8. He was rather fhort and fquat in ftature,
Was endowed with a great appetite by nature,
The newspapers he loved to read,
And fmoked many a pipe of narcotic weed.
Of Hierontmus Jobs, the Candidate ^
9. And often when the gall ran over,
Severe attacks of gout he would fuffer,
And yet he always found himfelf able
To take his place at the council table.
10. The mother was of refpectable ftation,
The moft eloquent woman in the Swabian nation,
Tall and virtuous and upright,
And meek as a lamb — at fir ft fight.
n. Only, alas ! as too often the cafe is
Not only here, but in other places,
She now and then, when it came in her way,
Would wear the breeches, as they fay.
ia. Now this occafioned no fmall vexation
At times, and led to altercation ;
Yet on the whole did our two loves
Live like a pair of turtle doves.
13. They had now for feveral years in succeflion
Received of children a yearly addition,
And yet at the time of our ftory, 'twas plain
Mrs. Jobs was foon to come down again.
14. And now, when her nine months were ended,
And the time of delivery impended ;
The above Mrs. Jobs immediately went
To make preparation for the important event.
15. Before, however, I go on with my hiftory,
I muft ftop to mention a singular myftery,
A dream, in fact, that one night befel
This Mrs. Jobs of whom I tell.
8 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
1 6. We learn by experience oft repeated,
That dreams are not to be lightly treated j
Of that, dear reader, I prefently
A notable proof will furnifh thec.
17. One night, as Mrs. Jobs lay fleeping,
This wonderful dream into her head came creeping,
That, inftead of a little child, was born
Of her a great and mighty horn.
1 8. This horn fo mightily crafhed and founded,
That Mrs. Jobs woke up aftounded,
And often, after me awoke,
About that horn me thought and fpoke.
19. A lady, to whom me applied for explanation,
Gave her at the time this confolation,
That thus the interpretation ran :
Her child would certainly be a great man.
20. And that his voice his mouth would nourifh,
And in the pulpit would greatly flourim,
For that was clearly and finely mown
By the monftrous horn with its mighty tone.
21. But we will not here be anticipating
The fequel for which the reader is waiting,
And fo I now return to the text
And proceed to tell what happened next.
22. The mother laid all things ftraight in her chamber,
And on the thirtieth day of September,
Juft at the right time me had the joy
Of giving birth to a little boy.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate.
. Was ever a father's happinefs greater?
And heavens ! how proudly felt the Sendtor !
And how did he leap, when, blooming there,
He saw before him a son and heir !
NOTES.
Stanza ^. Sivaby, poetic licence for Swabia, juft as we
have Virginny for Virginia, and for Arabia, Araby (the
Bleft.)
Stanza 7. Some points in this description of old Jobs will
remind the reader of " Old Grimes."
io The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
CHAPTER III.
How Mrs. Jobs, in child-bed, received a <vijit from her
female friends, and 'what Ma'' am Gossip Schnepperle
prophecied of the child.
A ND so Mrs. Jobs, as we've juft been telling,
^^ With her dear little Jobfey was keeping her dwelling ;
dole by her fide all Twaddled he lay,
And thought of nothing and llept away.
2. 'Twere impoffible to defcribe the jubilation
That filled all the Jobfian habitation ;
Neighbors and kinfmen came and went,
And thofe that couldn't themfelves go, lent.
3. The chamber rang with a conftant alarum,
As when the bees in the May month fwarm,
And all the day long it was buzz, buzz, buzz,
Round the dear little Hieronimus.
4. Exactly three days had now expired,
Since Mrs. Jobs to her bed retired,
When a mighty fwarm of women made free
To invite themfelves to afternoon tea.
Of Hieronlmus Jobs, the Candidate. 1 1
5. And of all thefe madams, to my thinking,
Who came to Mrs. Jobs's tea-drinking,
Though there was none whofe gifts were fmall,
Ma'am Schnepperle's gift excelled them all.
6. Little Jobfey's father was her coufin ;
The company talked of the weather, and a dozen
Other matters of the fame kind,
And the converfation was quite unconfinM.
7. Next after madam's health they inquired,
And to know how the baby was they defired,
Whether he feemed to like his pap,
And was a quiet little chap ?
8. Then they began, in rotation, to raife him
High in the air and heft him and praife him,
And none could find fit words to exprefs
Their fenfe of his uncommon prettinefs.
i a The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
9. " My honored coufin," began Ma'am Schnepperle,
(She fpoke through her nofe, but rather dapperly,)
A learned man the child will be,
That by his face I can plainly fee.
10. "I have read a book and admired it greatly,
Which I took from the council library lately,
About the art of Phyfiognomy,
And everything, the how and why.
11. "And there was a dreadful lot effaces,
Pious rogues with terrible grimaces,
Learn'd dunces, profiles ugly and fair,
And heads of animals, too were there.
12. " If I rightly remember what I read there,
I think (almoft in fo many words) it faid there,
That there is genius in fuch a phiz,
As this little wry one of Jobfey's is.
13. " Nor mould I fear to pledge his mother
That the child will take to books one day or other}
And, if he only lives long enough, he
Will be a parfon, undoubtedly.
14. " His mighty voice that he lifts like a trumpet
Shows that he one day will mount the pulpit."
(N. B. — Juft here little Jobfey cried out
As if he knew what they were talking about.)
15. Ma'am faid much more before me had completed,
That cannot in this place be repeated ;
However me ended at laft, and then
All the women fell in with a loud Amen.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 1 3
1 6. And now when the vifit was finally ended,
Each one her hand to Mrs. Jobs extended,
And thanked her for the honour (he had done,
Then all returned to whene they'd come.
17. Poor Mrs. Jobs's head-aches were mocking,
But fhe was edified by Ma'am Schnepperle's talking 5
Efpecially as the world faid, fhe
Was acquainted with aftrology.
NOTES.
Stanza 3. Swarm in the fecond line muft be pronounced
with the Irifh r : sivarrm.
Stanza 8. To hefty was a vulgarifm in New England, in
the tranflator's boyhood, meaning to telt the heavinefs (heft]
of a thing by lifting it.
Stanza 10. The book would appear to have been Lavater.
Stanza 14. Trumpet and pulpit make a fine ajfonanza.
Stanza 16. The reader will please remember the rule
for scanning given in the preface.
The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
CHAPTER IV.
HO--W the child 'was baptized, and how he <voas named
Hieronimuf.
T T 7HEN a few days more had alfo tranfpired,
'Twas baptifm plainly the infant defired,
For his cries were piteous to hear,
And caufed his mother pain fevere.
2. Vainly they plied both breaft and bottle,
Nor would fugar dollies flop his throttle,
But he kept up one inceflant fhriek
'Till one could no longer hear himfelf fpeak.
3. Therefore in Senator Jobs' s habitation,
Provifion was made for the baptifmal collation,
And dimes of all forts were made or fent
That might adorn the facrament.
4. Twifts and rings and other fuch matters,
Were baked for the fupper and piled on platters,
Nor was there in wine, tobacco and beer,
Certainly any deficiency here.
5. Friends and relations, aunts, uncles and coufins,
Nurfes, acquaintances, neighbors by dozens,
When the hour arrived, came pouring in,
All fmiling and drefled as neat as a pin.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 15
6. That fexton and parfon, with formulary,
Were alfo there, you need not query,
And the whole fenatorial body, too,
Had arrived at the houfe in fealbn due.
7. Many other guefts alfo, by invitation,
Came to this great and high celebration,
And to Jobs's credit confefled it muft be,
That all parted off with propriety.
8. However there rofe a difputation
About the infant's appellation j
Whether Heinz it fhould be, or Peter or Hans,
Or Joft or Jacob or Hermann or Franz.
9. But none of thefe names, though full of attraction
Seemed to give univerfal fatisfaction,
And matters might almoft have parted
From words to fomething worfe at lalt,
10. Had not the parfon, with wife difcerning,
Given this advice, like a man of learning,
To examine the calendar, and fee,
Affixed to the birthday what name might be.
11. The calendar, without further queftion,
Was ftraightway opened by the fexton,
And there they found without any fufs,
The name of St. Hieronimus.
12. Such a wife counfel to all the connection,
To parents and godfathers gave great fatisfaction,
And fo the vote was unanimous,
That the child mould be called Hieronimus.
1 6 The Life, Opinions, Actions and fate
13. And now when this weighty point was decided,
The parfon, in manner and form provided,
Pronounced and performed the Actus, and thus
The child was baptized Hieronimus.
14.. All things thereafter went calm and cofy,
Parfon and fexton waxed right rofy,
And they did nothing elfe for almoft half
The night but eat, drink, fmoke and laugh.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. i'/
CHAPTER V.
Ho<w the little child Hieronimus occupied himfelf.
\ T 7HILE yet in his Twaddling clothes, Hieronimufly
* * Pafled his time in a manner fufficiently fufly,
Slept, ate, fucked or drank, one after another,
Or liftened the lullaby fung by his mother.
a. His fleeping and eating, and fucking and drinking,
Were much like other children's, to my thinking ;
Much time in rocking him alfo was fpent,
And yet for all that he was never content j
3. But often would fcream whole days together,
And raife in the cradle a bitter pother,
As if fome terrible grief had aflailed him,
Though there was nothing on earth that ailed him.
4. Some wife people have undertaken,
With an air that implied they could not be miftaken,
To aflert that there muft in thefe cafes be
(God save the mark!) fome forcery.
5. And fo the nurfe and eke the phyfician
Are called to pronounce on the child's condition,
And many a dofe of rhubarb and rum
Is given, and fometimes laudanum.
1 8 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
6. He thus became almoft a burden to his mother,
But he throve in this way as well as in any other,
And every day, as it came along,
Found him more fat and stout and ftrong.
7. Father and mother took therefore great pleafure
In their darling child — their precious treafure,
And many was the hearty bufs
They gave little Hieronimus.
8. I have no further information
Of the firft few years of Jobs's earthly probation j
And therefore it is beft, I fuppofe,
To bring this chapter here to a clofe.
NOTE.
Stanza 5. "What are you doing, mad mother! miferabk
nurfe ! when you pour this vile compound into the unftained
fnow of an infant's bofom ! Know you not that paregoric is
opium and rum ? A composition that Samfon could not have
fwallowed much of, unfcathed." Sermon on Intemperance.
Of Hieronimus yobs, the Candidate. 19
CHAPTER VI.
Actions and opinions of Hieronimus in his boyijhyears^
and ho<w he nvent tofchool.
/~\ F the other early years of our hero,
^~^I likewife can give no information that is thorough,
Inasmuch as the courfe his life has run,
Has been hitherto a very narrow one.
a. Confequently an account of his actions,
Would poflefs no remarkable attractions ;
Suffice it to fay, that while yet a boy,
Eating and drinking were his chief employ.
3. He had however his gifts as well as others,
Preferred as playmates the girls to their brothers,
Would often quarrel and teafe in play,
And was noted for many a mifchievous way.
4. Lying and fwearing he early took to,
And learned them well without any book too,
Whereby the neighbours' children round
Much edification in his company found.
5. He had a fweet tooth, loved candy to diftraction,
Likewife in nuts and raisins took great fatisfaction,
And all the money he got and fpent,
For fomething dainty and liquorifh went.
ao The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
6. With brothers and fillers he always was quarrelling,
But his father never would give him a feruling,
And as to his mother, poor, dear, good soul
She never noticed fuch things at all.
7. All children of his age he could mafter,
There was none of them could leap or run fafter,
Not one of them was fo ftrong as he,
And whoever provoked him had better let him be.
8. And being a boy of great endowments,
He was charged with many houfehold employments,
To foddering the cattle would fometimes fee,
And fuperintend the economy.
9. Sometimes he rode the horfes to water,
Or a jug of beer from the tavern brought, or
A fresh laid egg from the hennery,
Or a goose's or duck's, as the cafe might be.
Of Hierontmus Jobs, the Candidate. 21
10. On the whole, was a fair, good-for-nothing fellow,
Had a pair of lungs that could terribly bellow,
And would act on a bench the preacher's part ;
All this went right to his parents' heart.
11. For they watched with a fecret gratification
Hieronimus's talent in its manifeftation,
And often in their heads it would run :
" There is the parfon, fure as a gun."
12. Efpecially the mother, who remembered
The Schnepperle's words, when she was chambered,
And alfo the dream me formerly had,
Could hardly contain herfelf, me was fo glad.
13. For all feemed to hang together fo neatly,
And exprefs the matter fo completely;
And when me weighed all this, me could fee
The future parfon as plain as could be.
14. Accordingly to fchool they fent him,
To fit him for the ftation they meant him,
Which pleafed Hieronimus little enough,
For he liked his play much better than fuch fluff.
15. He hated his leffons and never learned them,
He threw his books on the floor or burned them,
And the a, b, abs and the o, b, obs
They gave a head-ache to mafter Jobs.
1 6. 'Tis true, the preceptor did earneftly endeavour
To recommend learning to his favour,
And he and the rod in company,
Worked away at his genius faithfully.
22 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
17. This man had remarkable qualifications
For giving felf-willed boys educations,
And oftentimes on moulder and back
His cane came down with a mighty thwack.
1 8. Extraordinary efforts in this cafe were needed,
But at length the Herculean labor fucceeded,
And Hieronimus his letters told,
By the time he was about ten years old.
19. How old he may have been exactly,
When he learned to read the German correctly,
I am not at prefent prepared to ftate
In a manner very accurate.
20. And when more years he began to reckon,
From the German fchool the boy was taken,
And to the Latin fchool was fent
To learn his Latin j but how it went
21. With Hieronimus in his Latin,
And how they fucceeded in getting that in,
All this I promife faithfully,
The reader mail in the next chapter fee.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate.
CHAPTER VII.
How the boy Hieronimus 'went to the Latin fcbool, and
bow he did not learn much there.
TJ IERONIMUS, purfuing the parental intention,
Began now at Menfa his Firft Declenfion,
And every important article taught
In the Latin grammar he likewife got.
24 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
2. Many vocables he alfo committed,
But the poor Hieronimus was much to be pitied,
For that cursed loufy Latin, he faid,
Would nowife get into his head.
3. In Conjugations and Syn taxis,
And generally in the Latin Praxis,
It feemed as if the old Harry was loofe,
And his body fuffered no little abufe.
4. For the Rector being a Hypochondriacus
Showed no partiality to Hieronimus,
But cudgelled him often as if he were mad,
And many a ikinfull he gave the poor lad.
5. By a fyftem of teaching fo painfully hurried,
The youth almoft to death was worried,
And often wifhed (in terms uncivil)
His grim old Rector would go to the d 1.
6. 'Tis true, full many a trick he played him,
And richly for all the cudgellings paid him,
In fact the man had a deal of fufs
With the rogue of a Hieronimus.
7. For he cut up incognito all forts of capers
With the old gentleman's perukes and papers,
And fent full many a poifoned dart
Right into the worthy man's heart.
8. He gave his fchoolmates, too, much trouble,
And brought them into many a hobble,
For he hated them with hatred profound,
And often knocked them flat on the ground.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 25
9. No book of theirs, nor any garment
Was fafe from the tricks of this torment,
And many of his tricks were of that kind,
That leave a very bad odour behind.
10. Sometimes he would act the eavesdropper,
And catching a fchoolmate at anything improper,
Straightway he to the Rector reported the boy,
And witnefled the flogging with heartfelt joy.
11. Lazy in brain and fore in body,
At length he went home quite fick of ftudy,
And there for the moft part his time paffed by
In unprofitable inactivity.
iz. Of his Greek I have nothing to fay at prefent,
He found it exceedingly unpleafant,
And the barbarous Tupto, Tupteis,
Would turn Hieronimus' heart to ice.
13. Far be it from me, thought he, to dabble
In fuch a jaw-cracking, Irifh gabble,
And as regards the Hebrew fpeech,
He called it poifon and kept out of its reach.
14. He made therefore no progrefs worth repeating,
Save in lying and fwearing and drinking and eating,
And in the invention of an original cuss,
Nobody could match Hieronimus.
NOTE.
Stanza 14. Cuss is Yankee for curse. (Note for foreign
reader j.)
The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
CHAPTER VIII.
How Hierommus" s parents, with the Rector and other
friends, took counfel what they Jhould make out of
the boy.
ow when the boy in this ftate of diftraction,
Had pafled fome eighteen years and a fraction,
And in fact was already half a head higher
Than old Hans Jobs his fire,
a. His parents began to be puzzled with cogitation
About his future occupation,
For it was high time fomething mould be done
With this moft extraordinary fon.
3. Firft of all they put the Rector the queftion,
Whether he could not make any fuggeftion
As to his future deftiny,
And what he was beft fitted to be.
4. Now this man would not diflemble in the matter,
Nor with idle hopes the parents flatter,
So he came out roundly and told the truth :
" You can't make anything good of the youth.
Of Hieronimus yobs, the Candidate. 27
5. " Study is clearly not his vocation ;
It were wifer to try fome occupation j
A Counsellor might of fuch a one be made 5
If not, it were well to put him to a trade.
6. " I have many a time in recitation
Difcovered with great commiferation,
That there's nothing in him that poffibly could
Do a refpected public the leaft mite of good."
7. This fpeech, as may well be apprehended,
The Jobfian couple grievoufly offended ;
They heaped upon it all manner of abufe
And called the Rector a ftupid goofe.
8. In a council of friends the queftion was ftated,
And pro et contra rationally debated $
Old Jobs looked as grave, and fo did all,
As if that houfe were the council hall.
9. After they had been two-and-a-half hours in feffion
They compromifed matters by this proportion :
That the fubject be poflponed to a ne<zv term
For nearer examination ,• meanwhile *we adjourn.
28 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
CHAPTER IX.
Hoiv the gipjy Urgalindina fwas alfo confulted about
Hieronimus, who under/food the chiromantic art.
\ ND now all the friends who the meeting attended,
At Counfellor Jobs's, homeward had wended,
When, as good luck would have it, one day,
There came an old gipfy along that way.
2. From a very old family me was defcended,
Urgalindina was her name, me pretended,
And Egypt, me faid, was the country from which
She came, and her mother was burned as a witch.
3. Men's actions and fortunes this woman predicted,
When me the lines on their hands had infpected,
And future things as clearly could trace
As if they already had taken place.
4. She had greatly delighted many a maiden
By prophefying her approaching weddin',
And indicated the bridegroom's name
As if me had long been acquainted with the fam e.
5. To many an heir beginning to be difcontented,
The fpeedy death of a rich uncle me hinted,
And oh, how glad would fuch a one be,
When his uncle died unexpectedly !
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 29
6. To many almoft defpairing fpoufes,
Whofe wives, alas ! were the plagues of their houfes,
She came with welcome words of cheer
And whifpered a fpeedy deliverance near.
7. To many a dunce difagreeably fmelling
Of mufk and pomatum, (he was often feen telling
How, in fpite of all his awkwardnefs,
He would find fome fair one his heart to blefs.
8. The words me chofe were always fo fitting
That me hardly ever failed of hitting j
Yet a cunning ambiguity
Helped her out of many a perplexity.
9. She had for each fome fpecial good ftory :
To foldiers (he prophefied powder and glory,
To deftitute epicures "heaps of gold,
The kingdom of heaven to matrons old.
10. With other arts (he was alfo acquainted,
But not all her fingular merits prevented
Her falling occafionally into fin,
For (he ftole, incidentally, now and then.
11. In short her reputation rivaled in fplendor,
The fame of the celebrated witch of Endor,
At leaft in lying and chiromancy
No gipfy woman was keener than (he.
12. Now when Mrs. Jobs heard of her coming,
She immediately went to find the woman,
And at her door, juft out of her reach,
Addrefled to her the following fpeech :
30 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
13. " My dear Mrs. Urgalindina, right glad am
I to fee you on the prefent occafion, Madam,
I've a fon I beg that you would fee,
And pronounce on his future deftiny.
14. "I truft you will yield to our perfuafion,
And without any equivocation or evafion
Very candidly ftate to us,
What is to be done with Hieronimus."
15. " Madam !" me anfwered, " I will do as directed,
So foon as I his hands have infpected j
I will then, as an honeft woman, declare
His future fortune, to a hair."
1 6. They immediately fent for Hieronimus,
And Ma'am Urgalindina in a fomewhat ominous
Tone, requefted his right hand to fee
Which fomewhat fmutty happened to be.
1 7. The gipfy woman, with fearching vifion,
Examined all points with great precifion,
Meafured the lines and the furfaces too,
As chiromantifts are wont to do.
1 8. For a moment or two me nothing uttered,
At laft like a Delphian Sibyl me muttered
Something between her teeth a while,
And prophefied in the following ftyle :
19. " I've founded, my dear Hieronimus, I've founded,
By the art in which I am perfectly grounded,
Thy whole future deftiny, my fon !
By that throat of thine and its mighty tone—
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 3 1
20. " Shall many a brazen villain be makeH,
Many a (lumbering fmner malt thou awaken,
So that the city far and wide,
Shall by thy gifts be edified.
21. " Both good and evil mall feel thy protection,
Thou malt guard from body's and foul's deftruction
Both young and old, and great and fmall,
A faithful and vigilant keeper to all.
22. " Thy wife teachings this city's population
Shall one day hear with edification,
And when thy mouth is opened to cry
Aloud, no one mail make reply.
23. " I may not for the prefent, venture
Any farther than this on thy future to enter,
But what I have faid muft now fuffice,
Go then, my fon, now go and be wife."
24. Here Urgalindina her prophecy ended,
Both father and mother, who had clofely attended,
Were entirely fatisfied and filled with joy,
To hear fuch prediction concerning their boy.
25. For in their minds already our hero
Was clearly a parfon in future,
With this the prophecy feemed to agree,
How could it be clearer poflibly ?
26. Off did Urgalindina hobble,
When me had got a fumptuous fee for her trouble :
They fay (he had fcarcely got out of fight,
When me laughed at parents and fon outright.
32 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
27. And now, to cover the Rector with confufion,
Both Mr. and Mrs. Jobs came to the conclufion,
That the beloved Hieronimus
Should ftraightway become a Theologus.
28. In chapter Tenth, we mall therefore accompany
Hieronimus to the Academy ;
But firft we muft ftop awhile to tell
What took place at the laft farewell.
NOTE.
Stanza 2. The reader must be careful not to pronounce
tuitch and 'which as if they were the same word, as school
boys sometimes do.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 3 3
CHAPTER X.
How Hieronimus took leave of his parents and brothers
and Jifters, and started for the university.
TT7HEN Hieronimus's departure was decided,
* Straightway he was fuperfluouily provided
With clothes, books, money and everything
That is neceflary to ftudying.
a. The family found fome confolation
In the labour and care of the preparation,
But when the parting hour drew near
On both fides was many a bitter tear.
3. The grave old Senator Jobs's bawling,
Was juft a regular caterwauling,
And fobbing he gave a farewell kifs
To his dear fon Hieronimus.
4. And he added alfo a fatherly bleffing,
This counfel to the youth addrefling j
" Farewell and attend to thy ftudies, my fon,
That we may have joy, when all is done !
34 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
5. "If anything fhould ever ail thee
(There may be times when money will fail thee,)
Always write without fear to me,
Whatever is wanting I'll fend to thee ! "
6. Hieronimus was, as may well be fufpected,
By his father's words extremely affected,
And promifed always to let him know
Whenever his purfe mould be getting low.
7. Still worfe was it with the poor mother
Who did not undertake her grief to fmother $
Pierced through by forrow's bitter dart,
She preffed her dear fon long to her heart.
8. At length fhe ftepped afide a fecond,
And to Hieronimus beckoned,
And flipped into the hand of her fonny
A little bag containing fome money.
9. This very pious motherly blefling
Was to Hieronimus deeply diftreffing,
And not without many a heavy fob,
He thruft the little bag in his fob.
10. Next came his brothers and filters in rotation,
Whom he, amidft piteous lamentation,
Each by the hand fucceffively fhook,
And now his departure Hieronimus took.
11. The weeping and wailing of the parents lafted
For feveral days ; the old man fafted
To fuch an extent as utterly to refufe
Wine, beer, tobacco and the daily news.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 35
12. The greateft of all was the mother's trouble,
She was almoft inconfoldble,
But with the brothers and fillers, I hear,
There was very much lefs danger to fear.
N. B. — The wood-cut that head.3 the next Chapter, admi
rably fulfils the Author's promife in Chapter I, 10. The
double knave of cards exprefTes in emblem Hogier's gambling
and double-dealing. One of them being knave of hearts
alludes to the affectionate manner by which Hieronimus was
taken in, while the hanging of the head (Kopfliangerei)
betrays the hypocrite j the other being the knave of diamonds,
intimates how he took all the profits as well as honors.
(Stanza 29.)
The Chriftian, or rather Pagan name Hector in the firft
card denotes the gay and brazen rogue, while that of Hogier
in the fecond feems to refer to the hoaxt the humbug, he
played off on Hieronimus.
36 'The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
CHAPTER XL
Ho<u> Hieronimus came on horfeback to the £ojl-flation,
and how he found at the inn a dijlinguijhed gentle
man, named Herr Von Hogier, who gave him 'whole-
fbme lej/bns, and <was a knave.
ND now Hieronimus has finally departed ;
'The old houfe fervant who was very kind-hearted,
Rode to the next village by his fide,
Where he was to get into the poftwagon to ride.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 3 7
i, Altho* now the departure had affected him fadly,
Neverthelefs he looked forward gladly
To the beloved univerfity,
Where time pafles off fo pleafantly.
3. Scarcely had he began to find him
self out on the highway and Schildburg behind him,
When he parents and brothers and fifters forgot,
And was highly delighted at the thought,
4. That now henceforth, as a free ftudent,
He need be no longer fo prim and prudent,
And as to the grim old Rector and his rod,
He was well rid of them, thank God !
5. It filled him with fpecial exultation,
He was richer than a king in his own eftimation,
When the money into his mind did come
Which he had taken with him from home.
6. He thought and he felt with the greateft pleafure,
Of the little bag, the precious treafure,
From his highly afflicted mother received
When me at parting fo bitterly grieved.
7. And now, as all other paftime was wanting,
He drew out the bag and fell to counting
The money, and found to his happinefs
That the little bag contained no lefs
8. Than thirty different pieces of money,
All of filver, thick, heavy and miny,
Gilders and dollars manifold,
Moftly of coinage rare and old.
4
3 8 'The Life, Opinionr, Actions and Fate
9. His mother had faved them one after another,
And for future emergencies laid them together,
For not unjuftly (he had the name
Of being an economical dame.
10. Then too the fervant who attended him
By way of paftime occafionally handed him
Some of the victualia
His parents had provided to eat on the way.
11. Now when in this kind of occupation,
Hieronimus had ridden fome hours in fucceffion,
Faint and weary he at length got down
At the tavern of the aforefaid town.
12. Here indeed he found the poftwagon
In which to the univerfity he was to jog on ;
But it fo happened that the cart
Was not at the moment ready to ftart.
13. Hieronimus firft of all directed,
That his nag to the ftable mould be conducted }
The fervant put fome oats in the rack,
And took the portmanteau off his back.
14. At the fame time he began to be thinking,
Of refreming himfelf by eating and drinking,
And foon to the table he found his way,
And there grew ftrong and frefh and gay.
15. Now there was in the tavern a fellow lodger,
With a great peruke, and a rich-looking codger,
The man from diftant countries came,
Herr Baron von Hogier was his name.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 39
1 6. The ftranger mowed our hero much honour,
And inquired who he was in a friendly manner ;
Hieronimus anfwered without demur,
" I am a ftudent, refpected fir,
17. " At your honour's fervice, and right glad am I
That I am going to the academy,
There to ftudy diligently
The fcience of theology."
1 8. " Ah ! well, I wifh you all the joy I can, fir ! "
The gentleman in the great peruke made anfwer,
" But, I advife you, take great care
That you do not get into trouble there.
19. "I in my time have had fome knowledge
Of the way they carry on at college ;
Many a young frefhman throws away
His time and money on curf6d play.
20. "And many, inftead of ftudying with application,
Run into all manner of diflipation,
And wafte their valuable time
In many a folly, not to fay crime.
21. "My own experience can anfwer
For this fad truth, indeed it can, fir :
I beg you therefore to attend
To what I fay, on the word of a friend."
22. " Dear fir," Hieronimus refponded,
" I thank you for advice fo candid,
And the timely wifdom you have taught
Shall never in all my life be forgot.
40 'The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
23. "At the fame time I will not difguife the truth, fir,
Playing has great attractions for this youth, fir,
But I have the honor to aflure you that I,
Whenever I do play, never play high."
24. " In moderate playing I fee no danger,"
Politely anfwered the diftinguimed flranger,
" One lofes nothing, except ennui,
And pafles the time quite pleafantly.
25. " We, for example, here together,
For the fake of amufing one another,
Might play a little game," faid he,
"With innocence and propriety."
26. Hieronimus, without the leaft fufpicion,
Accepted the gentleman's propofition,
And was very willing to take a game
Or two, until the poftwagon came.
27. The thing was done as foon as decided,
The hoft a new pack of cards provided
And placed before his guefts, and ftraightway
The two fat down and began to play.
28. They fet their flakes quite low in the beginning,
But Hieronimus, led on by his love of winning,
To mark up higher and higher begun,
Becaufe at firft he regularly won.^
29. But all on a fudden fortune deferted
Our hero, with whom fhe had previoufly flirted,
And the gentleman in the great peruke
Both all the honors and profits took.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 41
30. And thus Hieronimus had very foon parted
With all the loofe money he took when he ftarted,
And now as his lofles came thick and faft,
He drew out the little bag at laft.
31. And now Hieronimus began to grow frightened,
For at every throw the bag was lightened,
And it became very evident that luck
fFouldfmile on the gentleman in the great peruke.
32. In lefs than three-quarters of an hour the bleffing
Of his poor dear mother was entirely miffing,
For the gentleman in the great peruke
Had robbed him of all by hook and crook.
33. For the good Hieronimus Jhad not detected,
In fact he never for a moment fufpected,
That he was cheated by him of the great peruke,
For Herr von Hogier had an honeft look.
34. At laft he really began to
Think of unbuckling his portmanteau,
To ftake the little therein contained,
Which would his refources have entirely drained,
35. But at that moment fo highly ominous,
The gentleman in the peruke and Hieronimus,
Both heard on a fudden the poftillion blow,
As a fignal for Hieronimus to go.
36. He felt a little reluctance at parting,
Then fuddenly and impetuoufly ftarting,
He jumped up into the poft-wagon and took
Leave of the gentleman in the great peruke.
42 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
CHAPTER XII.
How Hieronimus took the Poft-nuagon, and ho<w he found
therein a fair one 'with ivhom he fell in lo<ve, and who
ftole his ivatch.
T WILL now proceed with a narration
Of what befel Hieronimus on leaving the ftation,
For he is not rid of his troubles yet,
But further obstacles are to be met.
a. The great peruke would ftill come gliding
Into his thoughts as he went on riding,
And he now for the firft time began to fee
That the fellow no better than a knave could be.
3. His confcience kept up a terrible racket
About the lofs of the maternal packet,
He fighed and groaned and wifhed bad luck
To the gentleman in the great peruke.
4. He murmured fo that people could hear him ;
But a beautiful damfel fitting near him,
On whom his eyes till now fcarce fell,
Roufed him from the melancholy fpell.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 43,
5. She feemed about twenty years — not older,
Black eyes and hair and a very white fhoulder,
Rofy-red in mouth and cheek
And, the truth in a fingle word to fpeak,
6. Her being was nothing but grace, appealing
Irrefiftibly to the tendereft feeling.
This fairy inquired, half in jeft,
What forrow difturbed Hieronimus' breaft.
7. Wherewith (he pleafantly fmiled upon him,
Which pleafant fmile of her's quite won him.
So that, as clofe by her fide he fot,
The lofs of his packet he quite forgot.
8. A glow of rapture kindled his fancies,
For in her whole perfon and tender glances,
A youth like him could not fail to find
Something quite dangerous to his peace of mind.
9. After lefs than half an hour's duration
He had made, in beft ftyle, a declaration
As fervent as ever a hero of romance
Can make to his love by his author's hands.
10. She feemed to hear him with fome predilection,
At all events me made no objection,
Hieronimus therefore edged up more near
And began to whifper in her ear.
11. I know not what further pafled on the occafion
Improper to mention in this narration,
Suffice it, with both, the time pafTed by
In fweet, confidential familiarity.
44 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
i a. When at laft they came to the poft-ftation
She bade adieu with friendly proteftation,
But in what direction flie went from here
Shall by and by be made to appear,
13. When, after feveral hours had tranfpired
Since the fair one from the carriage retired,
Hieronimus for his watch looked round,
That too had retired and was not to be found.
1 4. This fecond trick of fatal termination
Was to Hieronimus a great aggravation,
For he came to the conclufion that she who left
So fuddenly muft have committed the theft.
1 5. Meanwhile nothing was left the good ftudent
But to exercife patience and be more prudent,
In fhort he determined, come what might,
To practise in future more forefight.
1 6. He therefore formed a firm determination,
So foon as he mould come to the place of education,
A letter to his parents to fend,
For a new watch and fome money to fpend.
17. At laft without further moleftation
He arrived at the place of his deftination,
Behold therefore our Hieronimus
Henceforward an Academicus.
NOTE.
Stanza 3. Luck muft be pronounced in a certain provin
cial Englifli ftyle, to rhyme with peruke.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 45
CHAPTER XIII.
How Hieronimus at the Uni<verjity did diligently Jiudy
Theology.
TT IERONIMUS on his arrival, without hefitation,
Received, ftante pede, his matriculation,
And fo became immediately
A ftudiofus of theology.
a. At univerfities, from all points of the compafs,
Some to get knowledge and fome to raife a rumpus,
Great numbers of ftudents together are flung,
Large and little and old and young.
3. And fo at this one from every nation
Were many in fearch of an education,
And many new ones came every year
To profecute various ftudies here.
4. Exempli gratidy law and theology,
Philofophy, medicine and cofmology,
And whatfoever other fine arts
Are needed to help them act well their parts.
5. But moft of them, inftead of pondering
Their ftudies, fet themfelves to fquandering
Their money, fared fumptuoufly every day
And threw their precious time away.
4.6 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
6 Hieronimus who liked ftudy no better than others,
Soon joined himfelf to the merry brothers,
And very fhortly made it appear
As if he had long been familiar here.
7. For he daily lived in Floribus
As well as the beft academicus,
And many a precious night he fpent
In carroufmg and boufing to his heart's content.
8. Wine, beer and tobacco were his infpiration,
And they gave his voice a fine inflation,
When he with loud and mighty clang
The gaudeamus igitur fang.
9. His fellows all who gathered round him
The model of a faithful ftudent found him,
He lived as a burfch of high renown
And great was his fame through all the town.
10. As to thofe three detefted creatures,
Philiftines and Beadles and night-rogue-catchers,
Hieronimus as a hero true
Had often cudgelled them black and blue.
11. Many a Pereat he againft them had vented,
And with ludicrous tricks their peace tormented,
And in thefe and various other ways
As a renownift acquired great pralfe.
iz. The fummer he fpent in racing and riding,
And in winter was continually fleighing and Hiding,
In fhort Hieronimus felt himfelf free
To indulge in all manner of luxury.
Of Hierommus Jobs, the Candidate. 47
13. Often he went on a pleafure pillage
To one or another neighboring village,
And moftly where he was likely to find
Some fair one fociably inclined.
14. To breaking windows nightly he was addicted,
Many tricks on young foxes inflicted,
Dice and cards and billiards played,
And not much progrefs in learning made.
15. In rows and riots he found great enjoyment,
Sleeping in taverns was his daily employment,
But twice in every month or fo,
To college hall for a change would go.
1 6. Whenever impatient duns came after
Their money, they were fent off with laughter,
Or elfe in counterfeit money were paid,
And very angry and foolifh made.
17. His books and clothes he'd fell to pawnbrokers
And fpend the money with drinkers and fmokers,
In fhort there was none of his time could be
Compared with him in deviltry.
1 8. To be fure he was often fhut up in the Career,
And there to the law was made to anfwer,
And for his crimes on one occafion
He barely efcaped the relegation.
19. For three years long he had purfued this vocation,
And often for money had made application
To his parents, but his letters were worded fo
That they never fufpected their fon was fuch a go.
48 'The Life, Opinionst Actions and Fate
ao. That no one in this could poflibly be apter
Than Hieronimus we fhall fhowin the next chapter,
Which gives of this queer correfpondence a tafte,
And therefore now clofe the prefent in hafte.
NOTES.
Stanza 7. In Floribus, equivalent to our "living in
clover."
Stanza 8. "Let us then rejoice while our youth is bloom
ing !"
Stanza n. Per eat ! is the oppofite of Vi>vat\
Stanza 14. Foxes are frefhmen.
Stanza 1 8. The Career is the college prison. Relegation
is difmiflal.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 49
CHAPTER XIV.
Contains the copy of a letter y which, among many others^
the jludent Hieronimus did write to his parents
D
EAR and Honored Parents,
I lately
Have differed for want of money greatly ;
Have the goodnefs, then, to fend without fail
A trifle or two by return of mail.
5© The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fatt
a. I want about twenty or thirty ducats j
For I have not at prefent a cent in my pockets j
Things are fo tight with us this way,
Send me the money at once, I pray.
3. And everything is growing higher,
Lodging and warning and lights and fire,
And incidental expenfes every day —
Send me the ducats without delay.
4. You can hardly conceive the enormous expenfes
The college impofes, on all pretences,
For text-books and lectures fo much to pay —
I wim the ducats were on their way !
5. I devote to my ftudies unremitting attention —
One thing I muft not forget to mention :
The thirty ducats — pray fend them ftraight
For my purfe is in a beggarly ftate.
6. Boots and (hoes, and ftockings and breeches,
Tailoring, warning, and extra ftitches,
Pen, ink and paper, are all fo dear !
I wifh the thirty ducats were here !
7. The money — (I truft you will fpeedily fend it!)
I promise faithfully to fpend it ;
Yes, dear parents, you never need fear,
I live very ftriftly and frugally here.
8. When other ftudents revel and riot,
I fteal away into perfect quiet,
And fhut myfelf up with my books and light
In my ftudy-chamber till late at night.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 51
9. Beyond the needful fupply of my table,
I fpare, dear parents, all I am able ;
Take tea but rarely, and nothing more,
For fpending money afflicts me fore.
10. Other ftudents, who'd fain be called mellow,
Set me down for a niggardly fellow,
And fay : there goes the dig, juft look !
How like a parfon he eyes his book !
11. With jibes and jokes they daily befct me,
But none of thefe things do I fuffer to fret me 5
I fmile at all they can do or fay —
Don't forget the ducats, I pray !
12. Ten hours each day I fpend at the college,
Drinking at the fount of knowledge,
And when the Lectures come to an end,
The reft in private ftudy I fpend.
13. The Profeflbrs exprefs great gratification,
Only they hope I will ufe moderation,
And not wear out in my ftudiis
Philofophicis et theologicis.
14. It would favor, dear parents, of self-laudation,
To enter on an enumeration
Of all my ftudies — in brief, there is none
More exemplary than your dear fon.
15. My head feems ready to burft afunder,
Sometimes, with its learned load, and I wonder
Where fo much knowledge is packed away :
(Apropos ! don't forget the ducats, I pray !)
52 The Life, Opinions, Actions and fate
1 6. Yes, deareft parents, my devotion to ftudy
Confumes the beft ftrength of mind and body,
And generally even the night is fpent
In meditation deep and intent.
17. In the pulpit foon I mail take my ftation,
And try my hand at the preacher's vocation,
Likewife I difpute in the college-hall
On learned fubjects with one and all.
1 8. But don't forget to fend me the ducats,
For I long fo much to replenifh my pockets ;
The money, one day mail be returned
In the fhape of a fon right wife and learn'd.
19. Then my Pri<vatiflimum (I've been thinking on it
For a long time — and in fact begun it)
Will coft me twenty Rix-dollars more,
Pleafe fend with the ducats I mentioned before.
20. I alfo, dear parents, inform you fadly,
I have torn my coat of late, very badly,
So pleafe enclofe with the reft in your note
Twelve dollars to purchafe a new coat.
21. New boots are alfo neceflary,
Likewife my night-gown is ragged, very ;
My hat and pantaloons, too, alas !
And the reft of my clothes are going to grafs.
22. Now, as all thefe things are needed greatly,
Pleafe enclofe me four Louis d'ors feparately,
Which, joined to the reft, perhaps will be
Enough for the prefent emergency.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 53
23. My recent ncknefs you may not have heard of,
In fact, for fome time, my life was defpaired of,
But I hafte to aflure you, on my word,
That now my health is nearly reftored.
24. The Medicus, for fervices rendered,
A bill of eighteen guilders has tendered,
And then the apothecary's will be,
In round numbers, about twenty-three.
25. Now that phyfician and apothecary
May get their dues, it is neceflary
Thefe forty-one guilders be added to the reft,
But, as to my health, don't be diftrefled.
26. The nurfe would alfo have fome compenfation,
Who attended me in my critical fituation,
I, therefore, think it would be beft
To enclofe feven guilders for her with the reft.
27. For citrons, jellies and things of that nature,
To fuftain and ftrengthen the feeble creature,
The confe&ioner, too, has a fmall account,
Eight guilders is about the amount.
28. Thefe various items, of which I've made mention,
Demand immediate attention j
For order, to me, is very dear,
And I carefully from debts keep clear.
29. I alfo rely on your kind attention,
To forward the ducats of which I made mention
So foon as it can poffibly be —
One more fmall item occurs to me : —
54 The Life, Opinions y Actions and fate
30. Two weeks ago I unluckily ftumbled,
And down the length of the ftairway tumbled,
As in at the college door I went,
Whereby my right arm almoft double was bent.
31. The Chirurgus who attended on the occafion,
For his balfams, plafters and preparation
Of fpirits, and other things needlefs to name,
Charges 12 dollars j pleafe forward the fame.
32. But, that your minds may be acquiefcent,
I am, thank God, now convalefcent ;
Both moulder and fhin are in a very good way,
And I go to lecture every day.
33. My ftomach is ftill in a feeble condition,
A circnmftance owing, fo thinks the phyfician,
To fitting fo much, when I read and write,
And ftudying fo long and fo late at night.
34. He, therefore, earneftly advifes
Burgundy wine, with nutmeg and fpices,
And every morning, inftead of tea,
For the ftomach's fake to drink fangaree.
35. Pleafe fend, agreeably to thefe advices,
Two piftoles for the wine and fpices,
And be fure, dear parents, I only take
Such things as thefe for the ftomach's fake.
36. Finally, a few fmall debts, amounting
To thirty or forty guilders (loofe counting),
Be pleafed, in your letter, without fail,
Dear parents, to enclofe this bagatelle.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 55
37. And could you, for fundries, fend me twenty
Or a dozen Louis d'or (that would be plenty),
'Twould be a kindnefs feafonably done,
And very acceptable to your fon.
38. This letter, dear parents, comes hoping to find you
In ufual health — I beg to remind you
How much I am for money perplexed,
Pleafe, therefore, to remit in your next.
39. Herewith I clofe my letter, repeating
To you and all my friendly greeting,
And fubfcribe myfelf, without further fufs,
Your obedient fon,
HlERONIMUS.
40. I add in a poftfcript what I neglected
To fay, beloved and highly refpected
Parents, I beg moft filially,
That you'll forward the money as foon as may be.
41. For I had, dear father (I fay it weeping),
Fourteen French Crowns laid by in fafe keeping
(As I thought) for a day of need — but the whole
An anonymous perfon yefterday ftole.
4*. I know you'll make good, unaflced, each milling,
Your innocent fon has loft by this villain ;
For a man fo con fi derate muft be aware
That I fuch a lofs can nowife bear.
56 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
43. Meanwhile I'll take care that, to-day or to-morrow,
Mifter Anonymous mail, to his forrow
And your fatisfaction, receive the reward
Of his gracelefs trick with the hempen cord.
NOTE.
Stanza 19. In college, purfuing- an extra ftudy with fome
Tutor is called taking a private ; of courfe a pri-vatiff.mum
would be a very private courfe. See " College Words and
cuftoms."
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 57
CHAPTER XV.
Here follows a copy of the 'written reply of old Senator
Jobs to the foregoing letter.
o
LD Senator Jobs's anfwer (verbatim.
Literatim atque punctatim]
In form and manner as follows would run :
Dearly beloved and hopeful fon !
z. I am very happy to fee, by thy letter,
That thy health and profpects are daily better,
Neverthelefs it caufes me pain,
That thou makeft mention of money again.
3. It is fcarce three months, O rareft of fcholars !
Since I fent thee a hundred and fifty dollars,
I wonder, my fon, thou confidereft not
Where in the world fo much cafh can be got.
4. I alfo learn, with lively fatisfaction,
That thou findett in ftudy fuch great attraction,
But it is with the higheft concern I fee
That thou aflceft thirty ducats of me.
5. Allow me, my fon, the obfervation,
That, on the moft liberal computation,
A univerfity refidence
Cannot be, with frugality, fuch an expenfe.
5 8 The Life, Opinion T, Actions and Fate
6. Moft truly thou art right in faying
That lectures and books are not had without paying,
But it muft take a great many to come
To fuch an enormons, unheard-of fum.
7. For lodging and wafhing and lights and fire
One cannot poflibly require
So much, and for paper and pens and ink
A very few pence would fuffice, I mould think.
8. I alfo perceive with gratification
That thou keepeft thyfelf from the contamination
Of evil companions, efpecially by night,
Thy books and chamber thy fole delight.
9. Likewise I am greatly pleafed with thy drinking
Nothing but tea, — but I can't help thinking :
To one who pores over his books and drinks tea,
What ufe can thefe thirty ducats be?
10. That other ftudents for a niggard abufe thee
May very properly amufe thee,
For he who fpends all that thou haft figured,
Deferves to be called anything but a niggard.
n. Let me advife thee to continue the attention
To thy ftudies of which thou makeft mention,
That thy precious time and thy money, both,
May be wifely fpent and not wafted in iloth.
12. But mind, my fon, the advice of the phyfician,
And beware of even a laudable ambition,
For alas ! too often we find it a rule
That the greateft fcholar's the greateft fool.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 59
13. Thy purpose of preaching deferves commendation,
Be diligent, therefore, in thy preparation,
But from much difputation, when all is done,
Precious little wifdom comes out, my fon.
14. The ufe of a Pri<vatissimum I can't conjecture,
When one is already ten hours at lecture,
And I comprehend it the lefs, as you fay,
There are twenty Rixdollars to pay.
15. But I waive all further commentary,
For the money thou findeft necefTary
In purfuing thy fhidies I gladly allow,
And though it were three times as much as now.
1 6. According to thy ftory (no doubt a true one),
Thou haft torn thy coat, and need'ft a new one,
Neverthelefs the cloth muft be fuperfine,
To coft twelve dollars, or even nine.
17. But he that will ftudy to be a paftor,
Should not drefs fo much better than his Mafter,
Therefore a fomewhat coarfer fluff
Would make thee a coat quite good enough.
1 8. For other articles of wearing apparel
About the four Louis d'or, I shan't quarrel,
When night-gown, hat and trowfers wear out,
New ones are necefTary without doubt.
19. But if I muft make, for all this raiment,
And fo forth, fpecial and feparate payment,
What mail become, Hieronimus dear,
Of the thirty ducats, to me is not clear.
60 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
20. I received with much feeling the information
Of thy recent critical fituation,
But to tamper with phyfic to fuch an extent,
I muft fay, my fon, is money mifpent.
21. For I fcarce ever knew of the rule failing,
With young folks efpecially, that when one is ailing,
Nature does better when left to herfelf,
Than the beft mixture on the apothecary's fhelf.
22. The expenfe of the Doctor and his preparation
Seems to me little lefs than an abomination,
And I very ferioufly queftion :
Can an apothecary or a Doctor be a Chriftian ?
23. And as to the nurfe's compenfation
Who attended you in your critical fituation,
'Twould have been enough if thou hadft given
A fmgle guilder inftead of feven.
24. Unlefs me had previoufly fhown thee attention
Of another defcription which thou doftnot mention,
For this, dear fon, I am forced to infer,
From thy paying feven guilders to her.
25. And then the confectioner's bill of eight guilders —
My fon, my fon ! it almoft bewilders
Thy father's brain ! — if thou hadft been wife,
A dollar at moft would now fuffice.
26. For citrons, confits, and things of that nature,
Adminifter no ftrength to the feeble creature,
But oatmeal gruel and barley drinks
Are better, far, for the fick, methinks.
Of Hieronimw Jobs, the Candidate. 61
27. To fall down ftairs is highly injurious,
See to it next time thou art not fo furious
To get to thy ftudies, but take more care,
For it cofts a great deal fuch damage to repair.
28. Thy furgeon has taken thee in completely,
For our town-barber, who works fo neatly,
Will, for twelve dollars, I'm told, reftore
A broken leg as whole as before.
29. But I'm happy to hear of thy reftoration,
For when the parfon is in his peroration,
His arm muft be in a flexible ftate,
That fo he may pound and gefticulate.
30. I muft further lament thy ftomach's weaknefs
Occafioned by thy recent ficknefs j
My ftomach, I'm forry to fay, is feeble
From fitting fo much at the Council-table.
31. Neverthelefs my earneft advice is:
Abftain from Burgundy wine and fpices ;
A bit of flag-root now and then
Will help thy ftomach as much again.
32. Thou mentioned "fome fmall debts, amounting
To thirty or forty guilders, (loofe counting)}"
I've thought and thought and racked my brain
To guefs what debts thofe can be, but in vain.
33. Thou haft given already in fpecification,
Item by item (outfide calculation),
And forty guilders, thou knoweft full well,
Upon my foul are no " bagatelle ! "
6 a The Lifey Opinions y Actions and Fate
34. And finally thou needed (for fuch thy pretence is),
A dozen Piftoles for thy general expenfes ;
No doubt it were very agreeable to thee,
But to me inconvenient in the highell degree.
35. For as to any unexpected urgency
Thofe thirty ducats will meet the emergency,
Thefe laft dozen Louis d'or feem to me,
In that view, a mere fuperfluity.
36. And as to the ftolen crowns, thy fuggeftion,
In point of delicacy, admits of a queltion,
For truly the reparation were forer to me
Than the alleged robbery is to thee.
37. But, from this difagreeable fubjeft to pafs on,
Thy propofal to firing the thief up fans fa9on
Is by no means a Chriftian fentiment j
Mr. Anonymous may one day repent.
38. Befides, "'tis a matter of congratulation
In thefe our days of illumination,
I fay it confidentially in thy ear,
Holy juftice has grown lefs fevere.
39. No one who chances a drawer to rifle,
Need mount the double ladder for fuch a trifle,
At leaft, in our wife Schildburg they fay,
Far greater rogues go clear every day.
40. When thou in future haft money in keeping,
I advife thee to guard it with vigilance unfleeping,
For nothing is fo univerfal a fubjeft of fpeculation
As money depofited for prefervation.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 63
41. I and thy mother understand the thing better,
Learn wifdom, therefore, from this prefent letter
We always lock our cam up tight
And anxioufly watch it by day and night.
42. But to appeafe thy prefent defire,
And fupply what immediate wants require,
Be pleafed hereby the moneys to find
In a fealed linen bag, each feparate kind.
43. Neverthelefs, I muft hint to thee, Hieronimus,
That the times we live in are rather ominous,
And it cofts me many an anxious thought
Where fo much money can ever be got.
44. There's a very fmall trifle of bufinefs doing,
Folks are fo poor — fcarce anything brewing
In the honorable Council, and fo
My incomes, you fee, are very low.
45. I (hall, therefore, await with pleafed expectation,
The day of thy final graduation,
Efpecially as, by this time, without doubt,
Thou haft in every branch learned out.
46. For if thou fhould'ft longer ftay and ftudy
As diligently and dearly as thou haft already,
I mail grow as poor as Job was once,
Utterly unable to raife any more funds.
47. We all defire to welcome, greatly,
Our learned fon in a ftyle right ftately,
Efpecially thy mother with joy
Looks forward to the return of her boy.
64 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
48. I wifh I had fome news to write you,
But things are moftly in quo fob;
I go as ufual, early and late,
To the Council-room to deliberate.
49. There we have had in confideration,
In plena, many an alteration,
Whereby our police affairs may be
Administered judicioufly.
50. Thy mother's teeth have troubled her greatly,
But a diftinguifhed furgeon, lately,
From foreign parts, came along one day,
And took the troublefome teeth away.
51. A perfon is paying attention to your filler
Gertrude, his name and title is Mifter
Procurator Geier, 'tis well under way,
And Trudy grows taller every day.
52. Our old parfon is always ailing,
They think his health is decidedly failing,
If this excellent man mould be taken away,
Thou mighteft be our Parfon one day.
53. Our wealthy neighbor's daughter Betty
Sends hearty greetings — the girl is pretty,
And neat and tidy, and would be
A nice little parfon's wife for thee.
54. Thy brothers and fifters all fend their greeting
In the joyful hope of a fpeedy meeting,
They are glad to hear of thy health and fuccefs,
And, with wifhes for thy happinefs,
Of Hitronimus Jobsy the Candidate. 65
55. I remain,
Thy father (in courfe of natur),
Hans Jobs, pro tempore Senater.
P. S. Write again at an early day,
But fpare thy allufions to money, I pray.
NOTES.
Stanza 40. Does not the laft couplet feem almoft pro
phetic ?
Stanza 43. N. B. — The rhyme in the firft couplet is
ftrictly copy-righted.
Stanza 48. The fecond line fliows old Jobs a rare Latinift.
Stanza 49. In pleno — or, as ive might fay, " in Com
mittee of the Whole."
66 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
CHAPTER XVI.
Hocw Hieronimus finijhed his flud'ies, and how he
journeyed home, and how it flood with his learning ;
neatly reprefented in the prefent engraving.
OINCE, now, one cannot forever tarry
^At univerfities, it became neceflary
That after a fpace of three years had flown
Hieronimus mould prepare to go home.
a. As his time of ftudy had now fully expired
And his prefence at home was very much defired,
Immediately he fet about
Doing all that was needed to fit himfelf out.
Of Hieronimtts Jobs, the Candidate. 67
3. His luggage required but a fhort time to pack it
For faving boots, fword, waiftcoat and jacket,
And whatever elfe on his body was feen,
There was no other article, dirty or clean.
4. For books there was no need of alking about them,
He could get along very well without them,
And except a {ingle fermon alone
Not the leaft fcripture did he own.
5. A friend had given him this as a prefent,
And taught him to repeat it by labour inceflant,
That fo, whenever an occasion tranfpired,
He might preach eafily at home if defired.
6. He thought with no little trepidation
Of prefenting himfelf to his parents in this fituation,
For if in this manner he mould appear,
The ftate of the cafe would at once be clear.
7. At laft he concluded, that when they began to
Inquire about his purfe and portmanteau,
He would make believe that fomebody ftole,
On his journey home, the whole.
8. Alfo fome fighs would ftart, quite ominous,
How will it fare with thee, poor Hieronimus !
When thou an examination malt undergo,
And mow how much thou doft not know ?
9. Verily he was rilled with remorfe and vexation
So that he almoft fhed tears on the occafion,
To think that for fo much time and coft
He had fo little learning to boaft.
68 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fatt
10. But all his manceuvering, contriving and inventing,
Wifhing and fighing and groaning and grunting,
Brought him no fort of peace at all,
For the time was gone beyond recall.
xi. Therefore, by way of alleviation,
He fent out formaliter an invitation
To his friends at the univerfity,
And gave them a valedictory fpree.
12. Here then, once more, was a regular rollicking,
Drinking and fmoking and finging and frolicking,
'Till at laft the difmal morning breaks,
And Hieronimus his farewell takes.
13. Right heavily now his heart was fhaken
And bitter grief did the parting awaken,
Yes, he really boohooM right out
In the arms of the friends that crowded about.
14. Before, however, his final clearance,
At the Profeflbr's he made his appearance,
Who gave him, for the ready money,
An academic teftimony.
15. It was not indeed quite creditable,
But Hieronimus, who to read it was unable,
(For it was written in Latin and Greek)
Into his bag the paper did ftick.
1 6. We leave him, therefore, his journey purfuing
Homeward, the reader meanwhile may be viewing,
Prefixed to this chapter, a copper-plate
That mows, as to learning, his real ftate
Of Hierommus Jobs, the Candidate. 69
CHAPTER XVII.
Ho-iv Hieronimus, booted and fpurred, returns to hh
friends.
~\NE day when old Senator Jobs, after dinner,
^^(For fuch was his accuftomed manner,)
With pipe in mouth, leaned back his head
In the eafy-chair and his newfpaper read ;
2. And meanwhile, Mrs. Jobs was making a pother
In the kitchen, about fomething or other,
And nobody dreaming of any harm,
All on a fudden there rofe an alarm \
70 The Lifey Opinions^ Actions and fate
3. For a ftately rider, booted and fpurry,
Came riding up the ftreet in a hurry,
And ftraight at the houfe they heard, flam-bang,
Somebody difmount with a terrible clang.
4. Like a knell in the family's ears it founded,
Old Jobs let fall his paper, aftounded,
And the pipe itfelf came near to break ;
And Mrs. Jobs was too frightened to fpeak.
5. But foon from this panic in which they were taken,
The rider did their fenfes 'waken,
As, in full traveling coftume,
He came at once right into the room.
6. The old folks apparently neither of them knew him ,
But he kept quiet and let them view him,
Till at laft the old man jumped from his chair
To fee his dear Hieronimus there.
7. I have not the qualifications in any meafure,
To fmg the exceeding and mighty pleafure
Of the good old Senator at feeing his boy,
He almoft went out of his head for joy.
8. The mother too, could hardly contain herfelf,
Nor from kifling his hands and feetreftrain herfelf,
As foon as (he faw that it muft needs be
Hieronimus, and none but he.
9. They almoft cried, in the overmeafure
Of their very great and diftrefling pleafure,
And the Welcome home ! and the God be p railed !
Held on till a ftranger had been half-crazed.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 71
10. And Senator Jobs's remaining children
Were alfo at hand, till it became quite bewildering
They all of them feemed in a perfect bother,
For not a foul of them knew their brother.
IT. 'Twas really exceeding curious
To hear what the children made of Hieronimus :
One held him to be a diftinguifhed gueft
Who had juft arrived from the Eaft or Weft ;
12. Another, on account of his fword and his danger
ous drefs and equipment, confidered the ftranger
As one who bags up children fmall j
This thought did the youngeft particularly appal.
13. But very funny was it with Efther,
Our Hieronimus's youngeft fifter,
For (he kept up a continual clack
About her ftrange uncle from Gengenbach.
14. In the three years he had fpent at college,
His perfon had quite outgrown their knowledge,
His belly had waxed exceeding thick
And there was a deal of hair on chin and cheek.
15. It was not, therefore, a matter of wonder
That they at firft mould make fuch a blunder,
Efpecially as his ftudent-drefs
Made it difficult, who he was, to guefs.
1 6. A very tall hat with a very tall feather,
Breeches and waiftcoat of yellow buck's leather,
With a fhort cravat of fome gray fluff,
Difguifed Hieronimus well enough.
7* 'The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
1 7. Add to this a mighty great fword, fufpended
From his left fide, with which he defended
His perfon from any fudden attack,
Fit alike for a thruft or a thwack.
1 8. And then his look, fo martial and bloody,
That feemed to threaten death to everybody ;
His hair hanging down in great mafles too,
And behind, a great pig-tail of a queue.
19. Thefe and other arrangements I might mention,
Soon attracted his father's attention,
For a fimple decorous black drefs
Would better have fuited his parents, I guefs.
20. Nor did Hieronimus's general behaviour
Recommend him to old father Jobs's favour,
Efpecially when he Hieronimus heard
Venting curfes at every word.
a i. He gave him, therefore, to underftand clearly
That he muft alter all this entirely,
For furely a young Theologus
Muft never be heard to fwear and cufs.
22. When a few moments after he aflced for the coffer,
Hieronimus did the information proffer,
And fwore to it moft luftily :
It was ftolen from the poftwagon, faid he.
23. This difagreeable information
Threw the father into great agitation,
And he would immediately have begun
To fcold, but the mother excufed her fon j
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 73
24. Sne ftepped between Hieronimus and his father,
Saying, 'tis furely the misfortune rather
Than any fault of our dear fon j
So the old man fubmitted and was mum.
25. Meanwhile the neighbours were rapidly learning
The news of Hieronimus's returning,
From houfe to houfe the rumour flew
'Till it was known the whole town through.
26. It feemed a weighty public matter,
It kept the ftreets in a conftant clatter,
And at every cafual neighborly meeting
" Hieronimus is here" was the very firft greeting.
27. In univerfal congratulation,
At Senator Jobs's habitation,
The reft of the remaining day did wag
And nothing more was thought of the bag.
28. Hieronimus feafted away quite cheery,
For his journey had made him faint and weary,
And he fmoked till he emptied, as I can vouch,
His daddy's great tobacco pouch.
NOTE.
In the wood-cut that heads this Chapter, the object on
the left refembling a fcrew, as if to draw the rider along by
an invifible wire, is prefumed to be no more nor lefs than a
mile-ftonc. The reader will pleafe not let it difturb his
dreams.
74 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
CHAPTER XVIII.
Ho-iv Hieronimus nofw began to be clerical, and honu he
got a black drefs and a peruke, and honu he preached
for the fir ft time in the pulpit, &c.
'TpHE day after that to which we've been referring,
When all in the houfe were up and ftirring,
And round the breakfaft table they fat,
Sipping their coffee in focial chat,
2. The father began to call attention
As follows : Dear Son, it is proper to mention,
That thy ftyle of raiment hitherto
Will for the future hardly do.
3. And firft and foremoft muft thou haften
That terrible fword from thy fide to unfaften,
Becaufe a fervant of the Lord
Don't never fight except with the word.
4. Likewife the gray collar and waiftcoat of leather
And breeches and boots muft be laid afide altogether,
As alfo the mighty feather hat,
For no clergyman is allowed to wear that.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 75
5. For if this rig fhould be feen by any body,
They would certainly cry out, "O Luddyl
We've furely got a cuiraffier,
Inftead of our future parfon, here."
6. Know alfo that a round peruke is fitter
For a clerical head and looks much better,
And a great deal more refpectable, too,
Than ropy hair and a pig-tail queue !
7. It is therefore thy father's pleafure
That the tailor mould come and take thy meafure,
That he may make thee this very day
A fuit of black without delay.
8. The peruke-maker has alfo had warning,
To come, if you pleafe, this very morning,
To make thee a wig that thou mayft wear
Over thy frowzy head of hair.
9. It will make thee look refpectable, very,
But it is alfo neceflary
That thou fhouldft leave off fwearing to-day
And endeavour to live in a clerical way.
10. Hieronimus liftened, reluctantly rather,
To the rational counfel of his father,
But concluded to fulfil the defire
Of his grave and venerable fire.
11. Behold him, therefore, ere the day had expired,
In full black drefs and peruke attired,
He was alfo in a white cravat arrayed
By his mother's manu proprid made.
76 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
i a. Thus clerically fitted out, he communicated
To his parents that he meditated,
God willing, in this livery
To preach next Sunday publicly.
13. On the Sunday following Hieron'mus
Did really preach in purfuance of his promife,
And without fpecial obftacle
Got through his fermon very well.
14. For as we above, Chapter XVI., made mention,
A friend had politely fliown him the attention
Of writing for him a fermon, which he
Could now deliver conveniently.
15. 'Twas an excellent piece of compofition,
Choke full of wifdom and erudition,
And fmelt fo of the ftudy fhelf
That Hieronimus did'nt underftand it himfelf.
1 6. His external appearance was likewife fplendid,
His arms and hands he mightily extended,
And his tenor voice fo ftrong and clear
Went ftately into the public ear.
17. His fermon was heard by many hundred,
Who all at his talent greatly wondered,
They nodded their heads and the whifper ran
Through all the houfe : " What a wonderful man !
1 8. " Who on earth would have ever fufpected
That anything like this could have been concocted
Out of Jobs's dull Hieronimus?
'Tis a perfect miracle to us ! "
Of Hier animus Jobs, the Candidate. 77
19. Likewife there was not a fingle relation
Abfent from the congregation,
And every one thought : " Our coufin Jobs
Looks remarkably well in his clerical robes !"
20. But 'tis vain to attempt to defcribe the elation
Of the two good parents on this occafion,
There cannot be a doubt, thought they,
He's the greateft orator of the day.
21. When divine fervice had come to a termination,
They adjourned to partake of a great collation,
Given in Senator Jobs's houfe,
Where all the relations went to caroufe.
22. And while the dinner they were eating,
Hieronimus' praife they were conftantly repeating,
And many a great glafs of wine
Was drunk to the health of our young divine.
23. The whole aflembly was alfo unanimous
That, under exifting circumftances, Hieronimus,
Who to-day had preached fo brilliantly
Before the prefent company,
24. Muft certainly next make bold to venture
His name as candidate to enter,
That fo, in optima forma he
Should Candidatus Minifterii be.
25. *Tis true, as a preliminary,
An Examen would be neceflary,
But the recent fpecimen mowed that he
Would find therein no difficulty.
7*
78 'The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
26. Efpecially as the prefent incumbent was weakly,
Old and infirm and fomewhat fickly,
Hieronimus might without any offence
Enter the vacant parifh at once.
27. That is, in cafe, by the blefling of heaven,
The parfon mould go the way of all living,
For his feeble conftitution gave place
For fufpicion that this would be fhortly the cafe.
28. Hieronimus, overpowered by the folicitations
And weighty reafons of his friends and relations,
Gave, anxioufly enough, God knows,
His confent to what they did propofe.
29. For the reft, he emptied with great pleafure
Of liquor many a brimming meafure,
But when that Examen came into his head
It ftruck his heart with a fort of dread.
30. At laft his anxiety fought confolation
In a regular fit of intoxication,
Although old Jobs his difpleafure made known,
By repeatedly making his head at his fon.
NOTE.
Stanza 8. Frowzy. This word is not frouxy, which has
a different meaning. Our word is found only in an old Dic
tionary in the Jobs family.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 79
CHAPTER XIX.
Honv Hieronimus ivas examined for a Candidate, and
hoew be made out.
TTOWEVER he ftuck to his determination,
And the clerify held a convocation,
And every one came in his wig and robes
To the examination of Hieronimus Jobs.
1. But how he felt in view of his danger,
Being to learning an utter ftranger,
And what an anxious face he made,
The reader will not comprehend, I'm afraid.
3. The fcene is beyond my power of painting :
If he ever in his life faw the hour for fainting,
That hour at laft was approaching now j
Alas ! thou poor Hieronimus, thou !
4. Begin now, Mifs Mufe, an enumeration
Of the clerical gentleman whom the examination
Brought hither on the appointed day
From every quarter of Swabia.
8o The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
5. The firft, that was the Herr Infpefior,
In doclrine ftrong as a fecond Heftor,
A ftately, pot-bellied man was he,
Whom you faw at a glance an Infpeflor to be.
6. This poft was accorded to his fingular merit,
Its burdens he bore with a patient fpirit,
And, to fay the truth, with a cheerful mood,
And daily ate and drank what was good.
7. And after him came the ghoftly Aff'eJJ'or,
A man whofe breadth was fomewhat lefler,
But height much greater: he was fpare of limb,
And his difpofition exceedingly grim.
8. He not only the fpiritual interefts defended,
But to matters of economy alfo attended,
And drank only bad wine and beer,
For his income was fmall and his habit fevere.
9. Then came Herr Krager, an oldifh man rather,
Who was very well verfed in many a church father,
And to prove a point could readily quote
Whatever any one of 'em wrote.
10. Next Herr Krifch, polite as a Caftilian,
Who was, in Poftils, a perfeft poftillion 5
Ported up in them as well as the beft
Parfon the Swabian land poflefled.
11. Next Herr Bejf, a Linguift of great reputation,
And a tolerable chriftian in walk and converfation,
In lefturing a terrible bore,
But always Orthodox to the core.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 81
i a. Next Herr Schrei, a man of great .notoriety
Alike in the pulpit and in general fociety,
Free and eafy — had no wife,
And led with his cook an exemplary life.
13. Next Herr Plate, an angelic creature,
In his youth of a fomewhat genial nature,
But when to preach he once began
He became a very pious man.
14. He kept his beloved congregation
From vice and evil communication,
Faithful in feafon and out was he
To admonifh, when he had opportunity.
15. Next Herr Keffer, who never could tire
In following his fheep through mud and mire,
But alas ! in his flock, befide the lambs,
Were likewife many ftiff-necked old rams.
1 6. Sometimes, to get them to follow his leadings,
He inftituted legal proceedings,
For he underftood the jura of the ftate
As well as the very beft advocate.
17. Befides thofe named in the above enumeration,
Other clerical gentlemen attended the examination,
Whom I neither need nor can
Particularly defignate man by man.
1 8. Now when the reverend and ghoftly faces
Had all come together in their places,
Praemiffis praemittendis, they
Round a great table fate ftraightway.
8z The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
19. With trembling and quaking came Hieronimus
Before this aflembly of white bands fo ominous,
And fcraped a greeting fubmiflively,
Oh, woe, Hieronimus ! woe on thee !
ao. Firft and formoft inquired the Examinatores
About his previous manners and moresy
And prefently afked him whether he
Had a certificate from the univerfity ?
ai. Hieronimus, without hefitation,
Handed the infpector the atteftation,
Who read the fame immediately :
Alas ! Hieronimus, woe on thee !
aa. 'Tis true, the document was worded,
In Latin and Greek, as above recorded,
And confequently not eafy to read,
But unfortunately, as ill luck decreed,
83. The Infpeftor made out, in a free translation
To give a fubftantial interpretation,
For no other clergyman in the hall
Dared undertake the tafk at all.
a4- To leave no breach in this narration,
I will now give the reader full information,
What Hieronimus' certificate,
Word for word, did properly ftate.
25. Firft the name and title of the ProfefTors,
And then in larger hand, the letters
L. B. S., and the meaning of them
Was Leftori Benevolo Salutem!
Of Hieronimus Jobst the Candidate. 83
26. " Forafmuch as Herr Hieronimus Jobsius
As Theologias Studiofus,
During three years' and fome weeks' fpace
Had his refidence in this place, —
27. " And the fame now has it in contemplation
To take his leave, and has made application
For a written certificate to me,
A ftep of great propriety, —
28. " I could not refufe his reafonable defires,
But give hereby the atteft he requires,
That the fame did every quarter of a year
Once at my Ie6hire-room appear.
29. " Whether the reft was devoted to ftudy
Himfelf knows better than anybody,
For I in this official report
AfTert and teftify nothing of the fort.
30. " And as to general behaviour,
There is not much to be faid in his favour ,
Entire filence on that point would be
The part of chriftian charity.
31. " For the reft I have only to fay, God fpeed him
On his journey home, and may heaven lead him,
When all thefe earthly troubles are paft,
To the place where he belongs at laft ! "
32. How the eyes of the learned body diftended
When the reading of this document ended,
And that Herr Hieronimus did not laugh
The reader can imagine readily enough.
84 The Life, Opinions , Actions and Fate
33. However on all hands it feemed better
For this once to overlook the matter,
And for charity's fake to find all the good
In the teftimonial that they could.
34. For the gentlemen wifely recollected
How many of their tricks had not been detected,
And how if they had, it had fared with them,
And fo they proceeded at once ad rent.
35. The Herr Infpector he led off,
Clearing the way with a mighty cough,
Repeated thrice, thrice did he ftroke
His portly paunch and then he fpoke:
36. " I, for the time pro tempore Infpeftor
And of the clergy prefent Director,
Aflc you : Quid fit Epifcopus?"
Straightway replied Hieronimus :
37. " A Bifhop is, as I conjecture,
An altogether agreeable mixture
Of fugar, pomegranate juice and red wine,
And for warming and ftrengthening very fine.'
38. The Candidate Jobs this anfwer making,
There followed of heads a general making!
And firft the Infpeftor faid, hem ! hem !
Then the others fecundum ordinem.
39. And now the AJfeffor began to inquire :
" Herr Hieronimus ! tell me, I defire,
Who the Apoftles. may have been f"
Hieronimus quick made anfwer again :
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 85
40. " Apoftles they call great jugs, I'm thinking,
In which wine and beer are kept for drinking,
In the villages, and from them oft
By thirfty Burfches liquor is quaffed."
41. The Candidate Jobs this anfwer making,
There followed of heads a general making,
And firft the Infpector faid, hem ! hem !
Then the others fecundum ordinem.
42. Herr Krager now in his turn ftood ready :
And " if you pleafe, Herr Candidate" faid he,
" Inform me cwho cwas St. Augujlin ?"
Hieronimus anfwered with open mien :
43. "The only Auguftineof whom I've any knowledge
Is the one I ufed to know at college,
Auguftine, the beadle of the univerfity,
Who often before the Proreftor cited me."
44. The Candidate Jobs this anfwer making,
There followed of heads a general making,
And firft the Infpeftor faid hem ! hem !
Then the others fecundum ordinem.
45. Now followed Herr Krifch at once and requefted
To know " ofho<TV many parts afermon conjijled,
In other words, ho<w many divi/ions mujl there be,
When it is written ruleably ?" faid he.
46. Hieronimus having taken a moment to determine,
Replied j " There are two parts to every fermon :
The one of thefe two parts no man
Can underftand, but the other he can."
86 The Life, Opinions > Actions and Fate
47. The Candidate Jobs this anfwer making,
There followed of heads a general making,
And firft the Infpe6lor faid hem ! hem !
Then the others fecundum ordinem.
48. Herr Beffthe Linguift continued the examination,
And defired of Herr Hieronimus information :
" What the Hebrew Kibbutz might be ?"
Hieronimus's anfwer was fomewhat free ;
49. " I find in a book to which I've paid attention,
Sophia's tour from Memel to Saxony, mention,
That (he to the furly Kibbutz fell
Becaufe (he refufed the rich old fwell."
50. The Candidate Jobs this anfwer making,
There followed of heads a general making,
And firft the Infpe<5tor faid hem ! hem !
Then the others fecundum ordinem.
51. Next in turn it came to Herr Schreier,
Who did of Hieronimus inquire,
" Hofw many claj/es of angels he
Confidered there might properly be .?"
52. Hieronimus anfwered, " He never pretended
With all the angels to be acquainted,
But there was one of them he knew
On the Angel-Tavern fign, painted blue."
53. The Candidate Jobs this anfwer making,
There followed of heads a general making,
And firft the Infpeftor faid hem ! hem !
And the others fecundum ordinem.
Of Hier animus Jobs, the Candidate. 87
54. Herr Plotz proceeded with the interrogation :
" Can you give, Herr Candidate, an enumeration
Of the concilia aecumenica /*"
And Hieronimus anfwered ! " Sir,
55. " When I at the univerfity did ftudy
I was often cited before a body
Called a council, but it never feemed to me
To have anything to do with economy."
56. The Candidate Jobs this anfwer making,
There followed of heads a general lhaking,
And firft the Infpeclor faid, hem ! hem !
Then the others fecundum ordinem.
57. Then followed his fpiritual lordfhip, Herr Keffer,
The queftion he ftarted feemed fomewhat tougher,
It related " to the Manichean herefy
And what their faith nuas originally.'1''
58. Anfwer: "Yes thefe fimple devils
Did really think that without any cavils,
Before my departure, I fhould pay them off
And in fact I did cudgel them foundly enough."
59. The Candidate Jobs this anfwer making,
There followed of heads a general making,
And firft the Infpeftor said, hem ! hem !
Then the others fecundum ordinem.
60. The remaining queftions that received attention
For want of room I omit to mention j
For otherwife the protocol
Would exceed feven meets, if given in full.
88 The Life, Opinions t Actions and Fate
61. For there were many queftions, dogmatical,
Polemical and hermeneutical,
To which Hieronimus made reply
In the manner above, fucceflively.
62. And likewife many queftions in philology
And other fciences ending in ology,
And whatever elfe to a clergyman may
Be put on examination day.
63. When the Candidate Jobs his anfwer was making,
There would follow of heads a general making,
And firft the Infpeclor would fay hem ! hem !
Then the others, fecundum ordinem.
64. Now when the examination had expired,
Hieronimus by permiflion retired,
That the cafe might be viewed on every fide,
And the council carefully decide :
65. If concience would advife the admillion
Of Hieronimus to the pofition
And clafs of candidates for the
Holy Gofpel miniftry.
66. Immediately they proceeded to voting,
But very foon, without much difputing,
The meeting was unanimous
That, under the circumftances, Hieronimus
67. Would not perfift in his application
As a candidate for ordination,
But for fpecial reafons they thought it beft,
To let the matter quietly reft.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 89
68. In faft for years it was kept fo private,
No ftranger ever heard anything of it,
But everybody early and late
Held Hieronimus for a candidate.
NOTES.
Stanza 48. Kibbutx is a corruption for the Hebrew letter
Koph.
Stanza 49. Kibbutz is alfo a name for the Owh
Stanza 57. The German ftudents nickname their credi
tors ManicAaans.
90 the Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
CHAPTER XX.
How the author fubmijji'vely hegs pardon, that the former
chapter was fo long, and how he promifes that the
prefent one Jhall be fo much the Jhorter / a chapter of
which the rubric is longer than the chapter itfelf, and
which might be omitted 'without injuring theftory.
T HEARTILY beg the reader's pardon,
The previous chapter was fuch a long and hard one,
The prefent chapter, dear reader, fhall be
So much the Ihorter, I promife thee.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 91
CHAPTER XXL
Ho<w Father Jobs the Senator did deliver Hieronimus a
fermon of rebuke t and honu he dies of chagrin.
f I AHE reader fhould have feen the confternation
That rofe in Jobs's habitation,
Becaufe the Examen did not tranfpire
Entirely in accordance with the general defire.
2. But what then did Hieronimus's father ?
Dear reader ! pray afk me, what didn't he do rather ?
He feized Hieronimus by the nape
Of the neck, and faid to him, " Thou fcape-
3. " grace ! is't for this I fuch kindnefs have done thee
And lavifhed whole handfulls of money upon thee,
'Till I almoft myfelf a poor man became,
To reap only mortification and fhame ?
4. " Had'ft thou but ftudied with application
And behaved in a manner worthy of approbation,
Thou wouldft without doubt at this time be
A Candidatus Minifterii.
5. " And wouldft get a parifh foon and be famous;
But now thou art only an ignoramus,
Who nothing of theology knows,
And all his life long breadlefs goes.
9* The Life, Opinions^ Actions and Fate
6. " Thy mother and I were often exprefling
Our hopes that thou wouldft be one day a blefling
To our old age, but oh, what a cufs
Thou haft proved, thou vile Hieronimus !
7. " All that thou ufedft to write of thy doing,
How many ftudies thou waft purfuing,
And that none in diligence equalled thee, —
Was a pack of lies, as I now can fee.
8. " And all that was faid of thy privatifiimo
And about the ten hours in collegio,
How kind the profeflbrs were to thee,
And thy folitary drinking of tea j
9. " Item, of all the various learning
With which thy head was in danger of turning,
And thy meditation late at night,
And of other fimilar things a fight j
10. "And about thy ftomach becoming fo feeble
By bending over the ftudy table,
The whole of it, as I now find,
Was nothing at all but lies and wind.
11. "Oh that I only had liftened in feafon
To our good Rector's counfel and reafon,
Who very clearly intimated to me,
That nothing good could be made of thee.
12. "Then had been fpared a vaft deal of money
And many a good round patrimony,
Which thou, good-for-nothing fcoundrel, I fay,
At the univerfity haft tippled away !"
Of Hler animus Jobs, the Candidate. 93
13. Such, as the fon flood trembling before him,
Was the fermon with which old Jobs did fcore him,
In fact his anger had rifen fo quick
That at firft he came near ufing the flick.
14. Meanwhile as fcolding and getting furious
Is generally to health injurious,
As might be imagined very well,
The good old man into a fever fell.
15. In his well days, when younger and tougher,
Severe attacks of gout he would fuffer,
His Counfellor's office, good living and ease
Predifpofed him to this difeafe.
1 6. But now all at once his pains forfook him,
And in the heart the Podagra took him,
And after four-and-twenty hours
He emigrated from this world of ours.
1 7. No end was there now to the grieving and groaning,
The houfe all wringing their hands and moaning,
And even Hieronimus's grief
Hardly admitted any relief.
1 8. The reader, I fear, would foon be yawning,
If I mould defcribe thefe fcenes of mourning
Any farther, I therefore ceafe
And leave poor old Senator Jobs in peace.
94 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
CHAPTER XXII.
Ho<w Hieronimus almojl became Tutor to a young Baron.
A LTHOUGH a fortnight had now expired
Since Senator Jobs to his reft retired,
The thought of the widow Jobs ftill ran
At times on her dear departed man.
2. Hieronimus meanwhile took his fodder
Up to this time at the houfe of his mother,
And would gladly in fuch idlenefs
Have parted his entire life, I guefs }
3. Had he not received a propofition
To look about for a change in condition,
Whereby he might, in the time to come,
Get his living more properly than at home.
4. For it was all over with the expectation
Of getting, as parfon, a fituation,
So foon as this moft heinous dunce
Had preached in each village his fermon once
5. Since now many men of great importance
Began as tutors to make their fortunes,
It entered into Hieronimus's view
That he would be tutor fomewhere, too.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 95
6. And fortune feemed not unpropitious
To Hieronimus's wifties,
For about two months from that time or three
He heard of a fine opportunity.
7. For a neighboring nobleman, (here namelefs)
Advertifed for a tutor of character blamelefs,
Who for low board and 8 guilders mould come
And teach the young baron, his only fon.
8. Religion, morality, five kinds of languages
Reading and writing and fuch like appendages,
Philofophy, phyfic, geography,
Arithmetic, hiftory, poetry.
9. Drawing and dancing and riding and fencing
And other accomplifhments needlefs to mention,
Thefe were the branches, every one
To be taught for 8 guilders to the baron's fon.
10. The Candidate Hieronimus was defired
To call on his grace, who at once inquired,
Whether the faid Hieronimus was the one
Who for eight guilders would teach his fon ?
11. Hieronimus made anfwer : "Gracious
" Sir, it is exceedingly vexatious
To be a tutor, and eight guilders would be
In my opinion quite a fmall fee }
i a. " However to do your grace a pleafure,
I will at once fall in with the meafure,
And fee forthwith what can be done,
In the way of inftru&ing the baron your fon."
96 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
13. And fo was completed the negotiation,
When, contrary to all expe&ation,
One little difficulty occurred,
Which may be ftated in a word :
14. Whether Hieronimus in the things defired,
Could undergo the examination required,
Which he would be obliged to teach every one,
To the young baron, the nobleman's fon ?
15. But it foon appeared indifputable,
That Hieronimus was not able
Himfelf, to underftand a fingle one
Of the things he was to teach the nobleman's fon.
1 6. He therefore received a quiet difmiffion
And jogged home again in an unpleafant condition
Of mind, and vented his curfes upon
The tutorfhip and the nobleman's fon.
17. His grace now right and left inquired
Whether another could poffibly be hired,
Who for the fum of eight guilders would come
And teach the young baron, his only fon.
1 8. Whether he has found it in his power
To obtain fuch a perfon up to this houi
For eight guilders, I never could learn,
In facl it's a thing wherewith I've no concern.
Of Hier animus Jobs, the Candidate. 97
CHAPTER XXIII.
How Hieronimus became domejlic scribe to an old gentle-
many ivho had a chambermaid, named Amelia ,• and
ho<w he behaved himself <vu ell till the following chap
ter.
*
A MONO all the fundry and manifold ftations
^ Of thole who dwell in thefe earthly habitations,
Without any doubt we may fafely call
The widow's eftate the faddeft of all.
2. When the man, as the head of the woman, is taken
Away, the whole body appears forfaken
By its natural proteftor quite,
And nothing in the houfe goes right.
3. The family is ftraitened and harafled,
The houfehold economy greatly embarafled,
And all is care and forrow below
And earth becomes a vale of woe.
4. Poor Mrs. Jobs, alas ! was fated
To experience the truth juft ftated,
For all went crab-wife in the houfe
And me became as poor as a church moufe.
98 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
5. Of courfe Hieronlmus made his contribution
To the general flock of deftitution,
For he lived as gentlemen of leifure do,
Ate well and drank ftill better, too.
6. Meanwhile fuch houfekeeping every hour
To the worthy widow grew more and more four,
And no one feature in it was wufs
Than the board of Hieronimus.
7. His own conviftion grew daily ftronger,
That things could not go on fo much longer,
And he therefore began to look round
To fee if another opportunity could not be found.
8. As, now, in general, the rogues and the dunces
Find in this world the very beft chances,
It happened that an opening offered again
For Hieronimus with a nobleman.
9. This gentleman lived on his plantation
In a quiet and retired iituation,
And there, as a genteel cavalier
Spent his large income with plaiftr.
10. He is mentioned, in his youth, as engaging
In the feven years' war which then was waging,
But he (laid in garrifon moftly, it is fuppofed,
And his perfon was very little expofed.
1 1 . But he was very glad when the war was over,
Being of peace an exceeding lover,
In fail, as a brave man and wife one, too,
He anticipated it, and withdrew.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 99
I a. And yet he loved to dwell on the ftory
Of the battles that had covered him with glory,
And how when once he had bravely fought
In the retreat he was almoft caught.
13. For the reft he was a man of fportive habits,
Shot occafionally hares and rabbits,
Drank at dinner Burgundy of his own,
And lived without any wife alone.
14. He was, in fo far, an old bachelor 5 however
He had in the place of a wife a clever
Chambermaid, who early and late
On his urgent neceflities did wait.
15. He had gradually as he felt himfelf growing older,
Slipped all care of bufinefs off his moulder,
But he had of fervant men a pair
Who of all things took faithful care.
1 6. The one of them was a fly old foxy,
Steward of the houfe and general proxy,
And the other Mr. Servant, he
Was one they called a fecretary.
17. The fteward at the time of which we're fpeaking,
Still lived and found in his office good picking,
For he took good care of cheft and fhelf,
Thought lefs of his mafter and more of himfelf.
18. But the above mentioned fecretary
They had had, fome days before, to bury,
Becaufe he was dead, which caufed there to be
In this weighty office a vacancy.
ioo The- Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
19. Now the fteward aforefaid had long been acquainted
With Hieronimus's parents, and therefore painted,
As a true and accommodating man,
Hieronimus in the beft colors he can.
20. And very earneftly recommended him,
And fhortly in perfona prefented him
To the damfel and the old gentleman, too,
As the moft capable fecretary he knew.
21. The chambermaid found his perfon quite ftriking,
And took to him confiderable liking,
She therefore promifed, faithful and true,
To fpeak the beft word for him that me knew.
22. The moment me faw him me liked him very
Much better than the previous fecretary j
For Hieronimus was tall and ftrong,
But his predeceflbr was lean and long.
23. Since now, the old gentleman, as we made mention,
Honored the damfel with his principal attention,
He with favour her application heard,
And gave Hieronimus a nobleman's word.
2^ And further to mow him the greater honour,
He invited him the firft day to dinner,
And then the old gent, when dinner was done,
Said to him in a friendly tone :
25. His duty would confift in attending
To the live ftock and feeing what wanted mending,
And whatever was to be written, he
Would write as private fecretary.
Of Hieronimus yobs, the Candidate. i o i
26. And if now this official duty
Hieronimus did faithfully execute, he
Would pay him, as a falary,
Forty rix-dollars annually.
27. " If you like thefe conditions (faid he,) you can tarry
With mefub titulo houfe-fecretary,
And I alfo promife you, if true,
Many additional perquifites, too ;
28. " But never go hazing, now remember,
With the damfel that takes charge of the chamber
For fuch proceedings will bring you into difgrace,
I tell you dryly to your face.
29. " The late, deceafed houfe-fecretary,
Was fond of damfels and young women very,
And I was very much mortified to find
That he to my maid was fecretly inclined.
30. " I mould, therefore, at once have caftiiered him
And without ceremony cleared him
Out, but I faw he was weak and flim,
And fo overlooked the fault in him.
31. " The girl, in truth, is fly and witty,
But fomewhat deceitful, more's the pity,
And indeed I have often fufpected that me
Was given to all forts of monkery.
32. "I accidentally fell in with her
Five years ago, as we journeyed together ;
I was pleafed with the manner of the jade,
And fo I took her for my maid.
9*
iO2 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
33. " For the reft, without a fmgle queftion,
You will hear now my concluding fuggeftion ;
For I tell you finally once for all,
Have nothing to do with Amelia at all ! "
34. Hieronimus muft have been half-witted,
Had he not on the conditions above fubmitted,
Accepted very willingly
The part of private fecretary.
35. He therefore entered on his office right gaily,
And faw to the cows and the fences daily,
And many notes he daily took
And wrote in the memorandum book.
36. For example: packets that came by the ftages,
Money paid out for servants' wages,
The hares that were mot and the turkey cocks,
And when they picked the old gentleman's locks.
37. Or what the houfe advocate got for his pleadings,
Or the judge obtained by extra proceedings,
Or what amount at the market was paid
For butter and cheefe in lawful trade.
38. Or what Amelia's drefles coft to cut 'em,
Or lengthen 'em out at the top and bottom,
Or widen, 'em an inch and a-half,
Or when the cow had had a calf.
39. Or when the worthy damfel had needed
On account of fever to be bleeded,
Or a hen had laid an egg ; in fhort,
All incomes and outgoes of every fort.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 103
40. And where any letters needed inditing,
The old gentleman, who was no hand at writing,
Threw all upon Hieronimus,
Who managed it all without any fufs.
41. With the help of Talander he wrote them fafter
And quicker by far than any fchoolmafter,
(And fpent lefs time about them too)
Than any fchoolmafter I ever knew.
42. The reft of the time he fpent at his leifure,
Ate and drank and flept at pleafure,
So that he hoped he mould never give up,
As long as he lived, this fecretaryftiip.
NOTE.
Stanza 41. Talander was probably fome well-known
author of a "Letter-writer." The original fimply mentions
his Brief/teller.
104 fhe Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
CHAPTER XXIV.
Honu curious things befel the Secretary Hieronimus, and
he 'was driven away.
INDULGENT reader! our old forefathers
Were furely not dunces above all others,
Far oftener will it rather be found
That they had notions both wife and found.
2. And many a time we find them giving
To us their pofterity rules of good living,
And proverbs full of excellent fluff,
Which prove their wifdom plainly enough.
3. There is one old proverb much celebrated,
And in all countries circulated,
Of which the truth and certainty lies,
Every day, before everybody's eyes.
4. Namely : " whoever can bear in fucceffion
A long unbroken continuation
Of nothing but profperous days, the fame
Muft be gifted with a very ftrong frame."
5. The truth of this old proverb, thus early,
Will in the prefent chapter clearly
Make itfelf manifeft to us
In the cafe of Hieronimus.
Of Hieronimtts Jobs, the Candidate. 105
6. He lived like a prince, as much a ftranger
To want, as a rat in a well filled manger,
Went early to bed and flowly crept
From the feathers on which he fo cofily flept.
7. There was nothing in fact to his comfort wanting j
Only one thing his mind would be haunting, —
The image of the damfel always was nigh,
Whom he daily ogled with loving eye.
8. And in her looks and her whole expreffion
He thought he was able to read a confeffion
That me with him, the fecretary,
Was in love, likewife, mortally.
9. And often, too, when he looked more nearly
Into her face and ftudied it clearly,
It always feemed to him more and more]
As if he had feen her fomewhere before.
jo. Defpite the old gentleman's prohibition,
He ventured now on a declaration,
And foon the knot of intimacy was tied
As clofe as if they were bridegroom and bride.
11. But, in the old gentleman's prefence, he never
Seemed to take any notice of her whatever}
And very great care he always took
Not to excite fufpicion even by a look.
12. Neverthelefs, when alone together
They had many fly jokes with one another,
And there parted not feldom a friendly bufs
'Twixt Amelia and Hieronimus.
io6 The Life, Opinions t Actions and Fate
13. That me meanwhile the old gentleman flattered
Before his face, it nothing mattered
To the fecretary, who held her free
For all this empty flattery.
14. In return for all his friendly attention
She gave him gifts too numerous to mention,
Shirts and handkerchiefs, gloves and rings,
Caps and cravats and all forts of things.
15. Once, on a time, when he had occafion
In his regular official vocation,
Some writing for her to defpatch,
She handed him a firft-rate watch.
1 6. He thanked her for it very fincerely,
But when in his hand he held it more nearly,
He cried : " Potz taufend Element ! I'm fure,
I muft have feen this watch before ! "
17. Amelia was ftartled beyond expreflion,
But made forthwith a candid confeffion,
That the watch in queftion, as a prefent, fhe
Had received from a ftudent formerly.
1 8. " How things do often happen queerly,
We fee in this inftance very clearly,"
Replied Hieronimus ; " for certainly
That ftudent you before you fee."
19. And fo they both now calculated
That five years back their acquaintance dated,
And the watch that was ftolen fo long before
The damfel made a joke of, no more.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 107
20. And both of them now made themfelves merry,
And thought the joke was comical very,
That, after travelling fo far round,
The watch mould in the right hands be found,
21. For the reft there was nothing very furprifmg
In the chambermaid's not recognizing
In the fecretary and candidate,
The ftudent me met in that difmal ftate.
22. This laughable affair, however,
Made them henceforth better friends than evei,
And the flirtation they carried on
Made a perfe6l fool of the old gentleman.
23. Their intercourfe, in its familiarity,
Soon took on an air of bold hilarity,
Till their courting and coquetting came to be
Almoft undifguisedly free.
24. If the damfel in cellar or garden was working,
Mr. Secretary near fomewhere was lurking,
In kitchen and chamber and all about
He ftill tagged after her in-doors and out.
25. And even at night, when me was not faffing
About the old man, (for he needed much nurfing),
Hieronimus fometimes went
On a vifit to her apartment.
26. Alfo, in writing and noting, to guide him
Amelia conftantly fat befide him,
In faft, whether fitting or (landing, me
Was at his fide incefTantly.
io8 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
27. With many a tit-bit of dainty favour
From the old man's table fhe did him favour,
And was there calve's-head or the like of that,
He always got the marrow and fat.
28. And fometimes fhe would bring him, on Sunday,
Privately, from the cellar, a flafk of Burgundy,
Which Hieronimus would drink
At a couple of fwigs, and never wink.
29. Thus did the days of the houfe fecretary,
Hieronimus, glide away, quite merry,
No reverend prelate could poflibly
Lead a more jolly life than he.
30. But it foon appeared that this fituation
Of things could not be of long duration,
For gradually the tranfa&ion began
To grow more clear to the old gentleman.
31. And inftead of laughing, in fuch cafes,
He now began to make four faces,
And he gave them to understand clearly enough,
That he would not have any more of this fluff.
32. And he added, in a manner not very-
Gentle, to Mr. Secretary,
If he did not all intercourfe with Amelia quit,
His walking-ticket he foon would get.
33. Hieronimus aflured him on his honour,
He had not behaved improperly in any manner,
And he would not, if his Highnefs preferred,
Exchange with Amelia another word.
Of Hieronifnus Jobs, the Candidate. 109
34. " Well! in that cafe, you may tarry
As long as you pleafe, and be fecretary
All your life to me," replied
The old gentleman, fomewhat mollified.
35. Although now, from this time Hieronimus
Carried on his tricks as flyly as any moufe,
With the damfel, by day and night,
And did more diligently than ever write j
36. Neverthelefs, not many days after,
Occurred an adventure too ferious for laughter,
When the old gentleman who, it feems,
Was troubled with uncomfortable dreams,
37. Rofe and went up, as was his cuftom,
To call Amelia who nurfed him,
That the damfel by her friendlinefs
Might drive away his fleepleflhefs,
38. Lo and behold ! a mighty wonder !
For there, by fome unexpected blunder,
Whom mould he, to his amazement, fee,
But Hieronimus, the fecretary !
39. Himmel! taufend Element! potz donner !
The old gentleman fwore in fome fuch manner,
And from the houfe, the felf fame night,
Hieronimus was forced to take flight.
40. No begging nor praying the matter mended j
The thing was done and there it ended,
And the old man's wrath was fuch that the maid
Began herfelf to be afraid.
10
no The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
41. Her cunning flatteries, however,
Did once again for this time fave her,
But the unlucky candidate
Was paft all help, 'twas now too late.
NOTE.
Stanza 18. The reader is requefted to obferve that in the
firft line hoiv qualifies queerly.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. j 1 1
CHAPTER XXV.
How Hieronimus entered into thefervice of a pious lady,
who fwas afp iritual Jtfter, and had unworthy dejigns
upon him, and Aofw he ran anvayfrom her.
' I^HE fhirts, rings and other paraphernalia
Which Hieronimus had received from Amelia
Served for fome time to keep him free
From the actual clutches of poverty.
2. But when, at laft, he had fold and fquandered
All the good damfel had to him tendered,
Nolens volens, now muft he,
To efcape from hunger and mifery,
3. And not to die of abfolute ftarvation,
Begin to look round for a new occupation,
And his firft thought, of courfe, was to try to find
Some place of fervice to fuit his mind.
4. Now, at a folitary caftle there refided
A widowed lady who was a decided
Spiritual fifter, as we fay,
She was old and her hair already gray.
H2 The Life, Opinions, Actions and fate
5. To praying and fmging fhe therefore had taken
And other things which as fpiritual we reckon,
And fo a number of years had fpent
And gained the name of a very great faint.
6. Not the leaft fhadow of fin could venture
Among her little houfehold to enter,
She called them together twice a day
Into her parlor to fing and pray.
7. She punifhed them for the fmalleft violations
Of duty by amiably ftinting their rations,
She thought much of fafts and pfalmody
And a glafs of brandy occafionally.
8. At the fame time, and with reafon, thinking
That focial was better than folitary drinking,
And alfo that in society
One could fing with greater energy,
9. She had for fome time been defiring,
And all the country round inquiring,
To find fome holy man, that he
Might give her his fpiritual company.
10. Already had many a godly loafer
Prefented himfelf and made his offer,
To live with her and praife and pray
In the moft approved and orthodox way.
xi. But no one as yet had had attraftion
Enough to give her fatisfa&ion,
For this one feemed to her too old,
The other by far too young, he was told j
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 1 1 3
12. One was too meagre, another too weakly,
One was a cripple or otherwife fickly,
Another was deaf or dumb or blind,
Another a worlding, not at all to her mind.
13. Hieronimus finally ventured therefore
His fervices to the dame to offer,
As fpiritual afliftant, and lo and behold !
So foon as me faw him, his fortune was told.
14. For he was neither meagre nor weakly,
Deaf nor dumb nor blind nor fickly,
Neither too young nor yet too old,
And his perfon was not uncomely to behold.
15. His femi-clerical peruke and garment
Took the old lady's eye in a moment,
And he aflured her faithfully
That he was no worlding, no, not he.
1 6. And fo me gave him an invitation
To make to-day his firft probation,
And he joined with real, holy glee
The pious pfalmody after tea.
17. He alfo read with edification
A family fermon to the congregation,
And officiated throughout with fuch grace,
That the dame commended him to his face.
1 8. Her fpiritual zeal grew daily more fervent
Through the labors of this her godly fervant,
And every day a holier flame
Burned in her fpiritual frame.
10*
ii4 The Lifey Opinions, Actions and Fate
19. She kept the pious young man befide her
In all her actions to counfel and guide her,
And thus Hieronimus foon became
A very great favorite of the dame.
20. If, once in a while, fome deviation
Occurred, unworthy of his vocation,
She overlooked fuch things and would call
Them human frailties — that was all.
21. She would alfo grant him difpenfations
From the penalties fixed for fuch occafions,
And at fuch times the daintieft fare
By way of folace, fell to his mare.
22. Champagne and chocolate and coffee,
And almond milk and fuch rich fluff, he
Got for his beverage every day,
And lived in an extra-luxurious way.
23. He found, in a word, a high enjoyment
In purfuing fuch a holy employment, —
Eating and drinking all day long,
With, occafionally, a fermon or fong.
24. The worft thing was that the pious matron
Kept him tied to the firings of her apron,
For me really feemed to think that he
Was the beau ideal of piety.
25. And when on the fofa he fate befide her,
And read fome book that edified her,
She would ftroke her pious fheep and fay :
Bravo ! in a very rapturous way.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 115
a6. And when they fang a holy meafure
Together, me could not contain her pleafure,
She would throw her arm around his neck,
And fmg, as if her heart would break.
27. This very familiar ftyle of a£Hon,
At laft revealed the whole tranfaftion
To Hieronimus, that the old dame
At fomething more than finging did aim.
28. With fuch a weighty difcovery before him,
A violent fit of alarm came o'er him,
And when on the mighty danger he thought
He was almoft paralyfed on the fpot.
29. When once recovered from his confternation,
He thought, with many a tender fenfation,
Of the blifs he had tafted formerly
In the fair Amelia's company.
30. She was young and faultlefs and charming,
This one, on the contrary, almoft alarming,
Gray and toothlefs and yellow of fkin,
Lean and haggard and ugly as fin.
31. He mould, perhaps, have tutored his fancies
And, adapted himfelf to circumftances,
And, blinking at all her foibles and flaws,
Taken the old lady as fhe was;
32. But this did not fuit his difpofition,
So he came away without aflcing difmiffion,
And left the old lady alone, alas !
With her hymn-book and her brandy-glafs.
Ii6 'The Lifey Opinions > Actions and Fate
CHAPTER XXVI.
How Hieronimus had a bad and a good adventure, and
howy for once in bis life, he achieved a wife aftion.
TLJIERONIMUS, before he decided
To leave the old widow, had provided
A bag of money, deducting the fame
From the private treafury of the dame.
2. For he argued that all his fmging and praying,
And holy things in fermons faying,
And receiving the old lady's carelTes, too,
Made a fair compenfation no more than his due.
3. And now with the fruits of this handfome pillage
He travelled about from city to village,
And as in this way he wandered round
Full many a jolly landlord he found.
4. And when he found in one place or another
Fine quarters and fometimes a merry brother,
Or a hoftefs agreeable in her ways,
He commonly tarried feveral days.
5. It happened, however, on one occafion,
That as he thus wandered for recreation,
Juft as the (hades of eveni-ng fell
He flopped at quite a large hotel.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 1 1 7
6. It was the beft tavern in all Swabia,
No better could be found in the wilds of Arabia ;
The hoft was an honeft man in his talk
And loved to write with double chalk.
7. Now that fame day, it did befal fo,
That two ftrange guefts had arrived there alfo,
Who, Hieronimus did guefs,
Were travelling merchants, by their drefs.
8. In one of them, at the very firft entrance,
He would almoft have feen an old acquaintance,
Had not a great plafter on the place,
Disguifed about one-half of his face.
9. Meanwhile the two gentlemen grew quite merry,
And invited Hieronimus to partake of their merry,
And very foon a friendmip grew
Between Hieronimus and the two.
10. For the man who had on his face the plafter,
Was, in telling ftories, a very great mafter,
Some he made up and others were truej
Hieronimus laughed till he was almoft blue.
11. Hieronimus, in his turn, freely related
All his adventures and communicated
How very near he recently came
To being decoyed by a widowed dame.
12. There followed, of courfe, a peal of laughter,
And Hieronimus, thereafter,
Proceeded to make the ftory whole
By telling about the money he ftole.
u8 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
13. Now when the day, in a manner fo cheery,
Had come to a clofe, Hieronimus, weary
And drunk with wine and laughter, laid
Good night and ftaggered off to bed.
14. But hardly had he funk to (lumber,
When the two gentlemen proceeded to his chamber,
Where they ingenioufly did hook
The money, and their departure took.
15. Hieronimus, waking late in the morning,
And having of mischief not the leaft warning,
Found, as he put his pantaloons on
His pocket empty, the money-bag gone.
1 6. At firft he could not believe the tranfa&ion
A real cafe for a legal aftion,
He thought it only a piece of fun
Which the two merry merchants had done.
17. But when the hoft, interrogated
Refpefling them, communicated
That the two gentlemen went away
Quickly at an early hour of the day ; —
18. Then did he begin to make lamentations
And outcries great, and his impatience
Grew to fuch a pitch that the hair
On his head could be kept with difficulty there.
19. His crying and groaning in fuch a fafliion,
Soon ftirred the worthy hoft to compamon,
Who agreed to take only his coat in lieu
Of the money that for board was due.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 119
20. And alfo the advice imparted
That it were well now, if he ftarted,
" For without the ready cam," faid he,
"No ftranger can find quarters with me."
21. Hieronimus's example teaches how odd is,
In this world, the caprice of the bandaged goddess,
And how, in a manner unlocked for and ftrange,
The luck of mortals will often change.
22. Laft evening the thought of poverty fcorning,
Called " Sir" by the landlord, and lo ! this morning,
By the fame worthy landlord hurled
Coatlefs and pennilefs out into the world.
23. He could now, as he refumed his wandering,
On his fad eftate at leifure be pondering,
And at firft he almoft wifhed himfelf back
(At the fpiritual fitter's, alack!)
24. But when he thought of her carefles,
And called up her image in memory's recefles,
Such a real horror came over him then,
That he did not care to go back again.
25. He had now, for fome days, contrived to banifh
His hunger with an acorn or turnip or radifh,
And like a knight errant had managed to ftay
His nature in many a pitiful way.
26. But now, as when the need is higheft,
The confolation is apt to be nigheft,
So was it in poor Hieronimus's cafe
The help he required was coming apace.
I2O The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
27. For as, on the fourth afternoon, he was lying
In a wood by the roadfide, he heard a crying
Very loud and piteous indeed,
Which from near by did feem to proceed.
28. He foon arrived at the fituation
Whence he had heard the lamentation,
And there, to his very great furprife,
A harrowing fpectacle met his eyes :
29. A carnage with four horfes flopping ;
A bearded coachman powerlefs dropping ;
There a young lady, who fhrieked and cried,
And ran defpairing from fide to fide.
30. And here a richly drefled gentleman, ftriving
To keep off two ruffians who at "him were driving,
And who were feeking with might and main,
To give him his quietus, 'twas plain.
31. My hero recognized at fome diftance,
The quaji merchants, his tavern acquaintance,
He therefore lifted his ftick, and flew
At once, like a fury, upon the two.
32. " Villains ! where is my bag of money ?"
He cried, and darting upon one, he
Shattered his fkull fo that it couldn't be trepanned
And ftretched the robber dead on the fand.
33. With equally vigorous blows he darted
At t'other robber, who ftraightway ftarted,
Finding himself outmatched in fight,
And proceeded to feek his fafety in flight.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 121
34. Hieronimus would, without hefitating,
Have chafed the highwayman who was retreating,
But the fellow vanifhed like the wind,
And left Hieronimus far behind.
35. And now I can fcarcely defcribe the behaviour
Of the gentleman and lady to their faviour,
When, the imminent peril being o'er,
They felt that they could breathe once more.
36. They thanked him, both of them, very fincerely,
And the pretty girl would have kifsed him nearly,
If (to fay the truth) me had not feared
His unwarned face and his grifly beard.
37. No eulogy can be invented
Which was not by them to him prefented,
For the dear Hieronimus, dirty and rough
Was their deliverer, clearly enough.
38. He muft go home with them, they infifted,
With a friendlinefs that could not be refifted,
To their manor-houfe, where he mould be
Richly rewarded for his chivalry.
39. In his prefent impoveriftied circumftances
He received with open arms thefe advances,
And, without further ceremony, thought beft
At once to comply with their requeft.
40. Lifting the coachman they conveyed him
To the carriage in which they laid him,
And, donning the dead highwayman's coat,
Up on the box Hieronimus got.
122 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
41. Before, however, Hieronimus mounted,
He found, with a pleafure not to be recounted,
His bag and almoft all the money, too,
In the dead highwayman's portmanteau.
42. But the ftrangeft thing in all the hiftory
Was, touching the dead man's face, a myftery j
There was no longer any plafter there,
And when Hieronimus scanned it with care,
43. He was not long in taking knowledge
Of a gentleman who, on his journey to college,
Once fwindled him by hook and by crook,
Herr von Hogier of the great peruke.
44. And fo this adventure terminated
In a way that our hero greatly elated,
He mounted the coach-box and off he rolled,
Like the knight of the forrowful figure of old.
45. And now ere I bring this chapter to a termination,
I inform the readers of the prefent narration,
That this deed is the only honorable one
That Hieronimus has hitherto done.
Of Hierommus Jobs, the Candidate. 123
CHAPTER XXVII.
Honu Hierommus 'was glad to get to Ohnevuitz, and how
he became fchoolmafter there, in afchool of little hoys
and girls.
I HAT gentleman and the young lady
Whom Hieronimus refcued, as mentioned already,
Suftained the relation of bridegroom and bride
And the knot had been very recently tied.
*4 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
z. The gentleman had in his jurisdiction
Of caftles and villages quite a collection,
But the principal one of his private feats
Was in the fmall village of Ohnewitz.
3. To give his lady a gratification
He often made journeys of recreation,
For on very intimate terms he ftood
With every body in his neighborhood.
4. He had juft been to vifit a neighboring noble
At the time he met the aforefaid trouble,
*Twas on his journey home from the fame,
That the two highwaymen upon him came.
5. They immediately knocked the driver over,
So that they thought he would never recover j
And with violence then demanded next,
His money and other perfonal effects.
6. They alfo from the carriage hauled him,
And would to death have probably mauled him,
When, at the fhrieks of the agonized dame,
Hieronimus, as we faid, to the refcue came.
7. They related, on the way, this ftory
To their deliverer, who in his glory
Drove away as merrily now
As the recent terror would allow.
8. Hieronimus likewife recounted
How he by the fates had been thus far tormented,
And as, in this way time, quickly flits,
They came, like lightning, to Ohnewitz.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 125
9. Here they foon forgot all forrow,
And lived without a thought of the morrow,
And made all forts of friendly fufs
In honor to Hieronimus.
10. New clothes, wine, tobacco and coftly diflies,
Calculated to gratify the moft faftidious wilhes,
Were furnifhed, enough and fuperfluous,
At the fervice of Hieronimus.
11. After feveral weeks had been fpent in this manner,
The gentleman did Hieronimus the honour,
To promife that he, for his future fupport,
Would make provifion in the very belt fort.
12. Now juft at this time an event tranfpired,
Juft what Hieronimus would have defired,
And he faw in the coincidence
The hand of a fpecial Providence.
13. Namely: the Ohnewitz parim pofsefses
A fchool for little mafters and mifses,
Of which the collation unto the lord,
As village patron, the laws did accord.
14. To ftudy the A, B, C, and the primer,
And learn to read and fpell, and the grammar,
Thefe branches conftituted the whole
Of the ftudies purfued at the aforefaid fchool.
15. All opportunities of further learning
The patron removed, with a wife difcerning,
For whenever a peafant comes to be learned,
At once he grows proud and his brain is turned.
11*
126 The Life, Opinions t Actions and Fate
1 6. Yes, experience teaches us plainly,
That what the peafant requires mainly
Is to underftand his almanack, and
To have his catechifm at his tongue's end.
17. Whenever above this limit he rifes,
His labour he commonly defpifes,
And a miferable confufion enfues
With the farming proceeds and revenues.
1 8. Befides a fixum of thirty dollars, the office
Brought the teacher additional profits
In eggs and butter and turkeys and geefe
And other perquifites fimilar to thefe.
19. And then, at the new year's congratulation,
He went to his lordmip's houfe to collation,
And alfo received, for attending there,
Of prefents a proportionate mare.
20. Now the fchoolmafter happened, fortunately,
To have left this world his blefling lately,
And the parifh was thoughtfully looking round
To fee where a new one might be found.
21. So foon as the patron got information
Of this, he tendered the fituation
To Hieronimus, who ftraightway
Entered on the office without delay.
22. At firft, it is true, the life of a teacher
Had not for him one attractive feature,
For he much more account of idlenefs made
Than of fuch a thanklefs and tedious trade.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 127
23. However, as always, when fchool was over,
He spent his time at the castle in clover,
Eating and drinking, after awhile
Hieronimus concluded to reconcile
24. Himself to his prefent fituation,
And attend to its duties with renewed application,
That he might be able to keep the place
All his life till the end of his days.
25. He alfo thought, in many a matter,
To introduce fome change for the better j
For he found that many faults had crept
Into the fchool, as heretofore kept.
26. In fact he began, after long deliberation,
To make here and there a reformation,
Which did not, however, turn out very well,
As we to the reader mail fhortly tell.
NOTE.
Heading : OAnewitz means literally ivit/efs.
ia8 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
CHAPTER XXVIII.
HO--W Hieronimus became an Author, and how he edited
a new A, B, C,-booky and how be was grievou/ly
complained of for it by the Boors to his Lord/hit).
T the very firft entrance on his adminiftration
Hieronimus found with extremeft vexation,
That the A, B, C-book hitherto ufed
The minds of the children fomewhat confufed.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 129
a. The boys and girls under his fupervifion
Had ufed heretofore the Ballhorn edition,
In which Hieronimus foon became aware
Of sundry errors here and there.
3. So, after confiderable counfel taking
With himfelf, he determined upon making
A fpeedy new edition of it
Under the following title, to wit :
4. A neiv, enlarged and amended edition
Of the A, £, C-book, under the fupervifion
Of the Author y Hieronimus
Jobs, Theologize Candidatus.
5. To the letters with which we're all acquainted,
And which in the alphabet are prefented,
Headdedalfothefft,
Likewife the fch and fp.
6. The fpurs of the cock, at the end, who engages
The attention of children of the lower ages,
He omitted with great propriety
From his bran-new book of A, B, C
7. He added, however, for the gratification
Of the juvenile candidates for education,
A little neft with a great egg,
Befide the fpurlefs roofter's leg.
8. This book had fcarcely entered their presence,
When it was reviewed by the Ohnewitz peafants,
And the very firft occafion gave
For an altercation both fierce and grave.
130 The Lifey Opinions y Actions and Fate
9. For none of the changes made, whatever,
Found with the critics any favour,
But they every one of them, to a man,
Regarded it as a highly dangerous plan.
10. It could not efcape the obtufeft vifion,
That the author of this new-fangled edition,
Made it exceedingly manifeft,
He was with a paflion for authorfhip poflefled.
11. As, when, in fultry fummer weather,
Tempeft-brewing vapors mufter together,
Before the crafhing thunder leaps,
A low murmur ordinarily creeps,
12. So here, at firft, in every direction
Was heard a low buzz of difaffection,
And foon the thunderbolt came down
On Hieronimus's crown.
13. The Ohnewitzers by words and dealings
Left him no doubt of the ftate of their feelings,
But he, defying their utmoft rage,
Fell back on his Grace's patronage.
14. The Ohnewitzers would mow him, however,
That they did not mean to be filent forever :
For every day they did prefer
Some new grievance againft the fchoolmaft^r.
15. They therefore, at laft, in town meeting collected,
And the fexton was unanimoufly directed
To draw up a complaint in the following tone :
" High-well-born patron ! be it known
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 131
1 6. " Unto your <vjorjhip by thefe prefents, —
That we the aflembled Ohnewitz peafants
Do take with fubmiflion the liberty
To complain of your fchoolmafter to thee.
1 7. " Inasmuch as the fame has tried our patience
By introducing fundry innovations,
All under the abfurd pretext
Of remedying exifting defecls.
1 8. "And has not behaved in the matter, neither,
As a worthy schoolmafter mould, but rather,
Given us peafants, whom he ought to lead,
A very bad example indeed.
19. " And, only the principal points to mention
Of the grievances to which we would call attention,
Pro primo and in the firft place, he
Has undertaken arbitrarily
20. " To make a new A, B, C, omitting
The fpurs of the cock, which is not befitting,
For the fpurs, afluredly, all will agree
An efTential part of the cock to be.
21. "He alfo difcourages learning, however,
By making the alphabet longer then ever :
For fp, fch, and fFt
Have furely no bufinefs in the A, B, C.
22. " Further, though cocks are never known to
Lay hen's eggs in nefts, as hens are wont to,
Neverthelefs he has placed one by the cock's leg,
Juft as if the cock had laid the egg.
132 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
23. " Now things like thefe are very bewildering
And calculated to miflead the minds of the children,
And a new A, B, C-book, anyhow,
Is an innovation we cannot allow.
24. " Pro fecundo : we would not fail to mention
(That the afs's head is an ancient invention,)
Which every child that refifts the rules
Has to wear, as a punifhment, in our ichools.
25. " Now, forely as a fenfitive heart is affected
When to this punifhment it is fubjected,
Still moft of the children make a jeft
Of wearing the afs's head down to their breaft.
26. " Herr Jobs, however, is not contented
With this, but has to the head appended
Neck, body, legs and tail and all
And fo you have now the afs in full.
27. " How the children cry and yell when the teacher
Compels them to wear the entire creature,
And the figure they cut when drefTed up fo,
Can be fcarcely imagined. Protertio:
28. " Herr Jobs, in addition to the ufual feruling,
Doth barbaroufly box their ears, imperilling
The health of the pupils, and already Ibme
In confequence have quite deaf become.
29. " Pro quarto : the poorer children more than any
Are to be pitied for their cudgellings many,
For, out of respect to perfons, they
Get a double portion every day.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 133
30. " Pro quinto : he is in the habit of fearchin'
The pockets of every fweet-toothed urchin,
And puts the apples and nuts on the fhelf,
And after fchool he eats them himfelf.
31. " Pro sexto : his conduct in general fociety
Is chargeable with much impropriety,
For he leads, they fay, quite too free a life
With Schulze the boarding-houfe keeper's wife.
32. " He vifits the village tavern daily
And in heated drinks indulges freely,
And many a time has wafted away
Half of the night with Schulze in play.
33. "There are many other complaints, in addition,
Which we would prefer with profound fubmiflion ;
For very many gravamina,
Befides thofe already mentioned, there are,
34. " Which at present, however, we forbear ftating,
Contenting ourfelves with fupplicating:
That you would be pleafed, moft gracious Sir !
To give us another fchoolmaftSr.
35. " In hope whereof we beg to tarry
Your Grace's fubjects moft exemplary.
Given in the village of Ohneewitz.
Etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc., etc"
134 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
CHAPTER XXIX.
Ho<w the dif affected peafants of Ohnevuitz received a
gracious resolution, and ho<w they <vuere advifed to keep
Jilence, and hoiu they ivere threatened with the dark
hole. All in chancery ftyle.
rTpHE meeting appointed a deputation
Of two to deliver the petition
To his highnefs, the patron ; and from the fame
The following refolution came:
2. " We have learned 'with great diffatisfaEiion,
From the ftatement of your recent a£Hon,
What grievances you do prefer
Againft your worthy fchoolmafter.
£. " Though, now, it gives us great difpleafure
To fee you refort to fuch a meafure j
We have confidered, neverthelefs,
The breadth and length of your grievances.
4. " We cannot, however, up to date difcover
Anything to make fuch a fufs over,
And the profecution, we decide,
Is altogether unjuftified.
Of Hieronimus Jobsy the Candidate. 135
5. " 'Tis very true, as has been faid, he
Has introduced in his fchool already
A new book of A, B, C, which he
Dedicates to ourfelves fubmiffively.
6. " It is alfo clear that, in this edition,
He has made here and there an addition or omiflion,
It is not however fo clear to us,
How this can be fo injurious.
7. " 'Tis true, by an overfight of the engraver,
The cock has loft his fpurs ; however,
One can very eafily in the next
Edition remedy fuch miftakes.
8. " Our modern reviewers feldom take notice
Of fuch a trifle in books as that is,
But the gentlemen kindly overlook
Such little faults in a new book.
9. " And as regards the interpolations,
They are found in all the early editions j
At leaft fch, fft, and fp,
As variations, may be fuffered to be.
10. " That the cock with an egg mould be attended,
Seems indeed lefs capable of being defended,
Yet there's no necefllty propter hoc
To take the egg away from the cock.
n. " For from the egg to draw the conclufion
That the cock had laid it, were great confufion
In confcience and reafon ; it proves in fact
No more than the titles to men's names tacked.
136 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
12. " And then befides we might have alluded,
To cafes where cockerels over eggs have brooded,
In hoc cafuy undoubtedly,
The cock was a capon properly.
13. " When you propofe as the fecond of the abufes,
That Mr. Jobs a whole afs introduces j
We think therein he commits no offence,
But conducts himfelf as a man of fenfe.
14. " For he means by this no more, nor lefs neither,
Than that you and your children both together,
Old and young and great and fmall,
Are perfect affes incarnate all.
15. " Pro tertio : the ear-boxing fo bewildering
Which has already made deaf fome children —
We hold it very much amifs
To inflict fuch punifliment as this.
1 6. " The grievance you have/>ro quarto propounded
We hold to be in fo far well grounded ;
For no judge nor fchoolmafter rightfully can
Refpect the perfon of any man.
17. " But for poor no lefs than rich 'tis expedient
That they fhould be punimed when difobedient,
And punimment ftiould always be
Adminiftered impartially.
1 8. " When the right of fearch he exercifes,
And fruit in the children's pockets furprifes,
He upholds pro quinto the very good rule :
Children mould not be munching in school !
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 137
19. " And as their tender ftomachs, fans queftion,
Find apples and nuts of hard digeftion,
Here alfo the fchoolmafter's plan is good,
To devour, himfelf, fuch forbidden food.
20. u Pro sexto, as to your infinuation
Touching Schulze's wife's reputation,
Item, the tavern, drinking and dice,
All this in Herr Jobs were a (hocking vice.
21. "It is our gracious pleafure, however,
That fuch things be buried in filence forever,
And whofo (hall name them again, by my foul!
Shall be punifhed with two days in the hole.
22. " For the reft, the complaints you have delated
Shall be hereafter more thoroughly inveftigated,
When from our contemplated tour
We are happily returned once more.
23. "Till then we command you to ceafe your gabble,
Nor longer in thefe grave matters dabble.
Given at our refidence etc., etc"
"Refolution for the Peafants of Ohnewitz."
12*
138 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
CHAPTER XXX.
Hoiv, one Wednefday, a riot broke out at Ohneivitz, and
all forts of figns and wonders preceded itt and honu
Herr Hieronimus 'was driven anvay with cudgels, &c.
TT may well be conceived that this refolution
Threw the whole village into the greateft confufion,
In fact there arofe on all fides a hum
Among the peafants, both mighty and grum.
a. For now it was clearly manifefted
That Jobs was by the patron aflifted,
And that juftice could no longer have courfe,
And they fwore to avenge themfelves by force.
3. In this weighty crifis they often came together
To confult in the tavern with one another,
And with beer and tobacco confidered there
How they could beft approach the affair.
4. They firft determined, with a fweeping
Unanimity, on keeping
Their children at home, and not one of all
In facl went to fchool again, great or fmall.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 1 39
5. But the wifeft of them advifed, with reafon,
To lie in wait for a favorable feafon,
For then, when came the fitting hour,
They could all arife at once in their power.
6. They all gave in at once their adhefion
To fuch a fenfible proportion,
And fo they fixed upon a day
When the patron mould happen to be away.
7. 'Tis true thefe arrangements were all to lie deeping,
In every bofom's fecret keeping
Till the terrible moon mould be ufhered in
When the difturbance was to begin.
8. But before thefe great events had being,
Signs and wonders had men been feeing,
As on the eve of important events
Men commonly witnefs premonitory portents.
9. For example, a fhort time before, at the hour
Of midnight, a very great owl on the tower
Of the church had been heard to utter a cry
Frightful and loud to the inky fky.
10. Likewife had one of the Ohnewitz people
Coming from the inn, heard a tolling in the fteeple ;
Alfo the very old chimney fell down
On the fchool-houfe roof with an awful found.
11. Likewife the fexton's cow give birth to
The longeft eared calf perhaps on earth too ;
Likewife many dogs ran howling round
Through the village with a horrible found.
140 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
12. Ignes fatui were feen in many places,
And fometimes by night ftrange forms and faces
Likewife at noonday it came to pafs,
A leg was broke of the miller's afs.
13. All this appeared the prefiguration
Of fome impending revelation}
But no one noticed the danger until
The prophecies did themfelves fulfil.
14. Now it was exactly on Wednefday morning,
That the riot broke out without any warning,
When, at eight precifely, every boor,
Was feen to iflue from his door.
Of Hierommus Jobs, the Candidate. 141
15. It was dreadful to think on what might happen,
For every one was armed with a weapon,
And forth the confederates all fwarmed,
With clubs and flails in great numbers armed.
1 6. All was now aftir in the village,
One would have prophefied murder and pillage,
And every dog and roolter now
Began at once to bark and crow.
17. On the village common foon colle61ed
The mighty mafs of the difaffecled,
And in proceflion proceeded thence
Straight to the fchoolmafter's refidence.
1 8. Many children came thronging after
On both fides, full of joy and laughter,
To think that they would be free to-day
And the bad fchoolmafter fent away.
19. Herr Jobs in his bed was lying quiet,
Never once dreaming of any riot,
When all on a fudden the whole fwarm
Broke in upon him with a great alarm.
20. He opened his eyes in confirmation,
And vehement was his agitation,
As now for the firft time he did mark
The treafon that had been brewing in the dark.
ai. They fell upon him with precipitation,
Leaving him fmall time for hefitation}
Only, in confideration of the prefent diftrefs,
They gave him leave to put on his drefs :
14* The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
22. Then advifed him to leave Ohnewitz behind him,
And never again let one of them find him j
They added likewife many a feoff,
And cudgelled and pelted our hero off.
23. And fo this aftion was completed
And the expedition fuccefsfully treated,
And with a loud ju ! hu ! ju ! hu !
All to the tavern now withdrew.
24. And every one fwore with a terrible clatter,
That he had done the beft in the matter,
And in drinking brandy determined that he
The greateft hero of all would be.
25. There were fome, however, had no fatisfaclion,
But only remorfe for the whole tranfaftion,
And they fully expe&ed to find their reward
In the dark hole, at the return of their lord.
NOTE.
Stanza 9. So in Virgil (Acn. IV. 462,) among the por
tents that preceded the death of Dido :
" Solaquc cu/minibus f trait carmine bubo
S<?fc yueri, et longas in Jlctum ducere •voces."
— " With a boding note
The folitary fcreech-owl ftrains her throat,
And on a chimney's top or turret's height,
With fongs obfcene difturbs the filence of the night." —
Dryden.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 143
CHAPTER XXXI.
How Hieronimus in his flight to Bavaria and a nenu
adventure, in meeting his beloved Amelia on the ft age
at the theatre. Very pleafant to read.
A S the fox, when he leaves the hounds behind him
And flies where they no more can find him,
Is glad that only a mouthful of hair
He has had to lofe, which he well could fpare, —
i. So Hieronimus, in his greateft tribulation,
Took to himfelf the fame confolation,
And was very glad, upon his foul,
To have 'fcaped the boors with a Ikin whole.
3. 'Tis true he had learned, in his fudden departure
From Ohnewitz, fomething he had to fmart for,
How very sour and bitter and hard
Was a poor fchoolmafter's reward.
4. He alfo made a vow that he never
Would publifh again any books whatever,
For his flogging and flight, he had to own,
Were owing to the authorfhip-mania alone.
144 ?fo Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
5. Meanwhile as his patron (we've ftated already,)
Was gone on a tour to Bavaria with his lady ;
Hieronimus determined to go there to him,
For refuge from the wrath of the peafants fo grim.
6. The journey took no great time to plan it,
In facl: he no fooner refolved than began it ;
But foon, before he was far on his way,
A new adventure caufed his delay.
7. For contrary to all expectation
His plans met a fudden pertubation,
Soon after he reached a great city, where
He intended to reft a day or two there.
8. Here, to confole and divert himfelf folely
And drive away care and melancholy,
It came into his head one day,
That he that evening would go to the play.
9. He foon perceived among the aftreffes,
Of beautiful faces and fplendid drefTes,
One who in face, voice, form and hair,
Was the image of his Amelia fair.
10. Heavens ! what rapture his heart did fire,
That he mould fo unexpectedly fpy her !
The entire pit was almoft thrown
Into confufion by this facl alone.
11. And hardly had me her performance ended,
When into the green-room he inftantly bounded,
And now there was many a joyful bufs
'Twixt her and her dear Hieronimus.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 145
T3. Both were curious to hear from each other,
What fingular fortune thus brought them together j
Hieronimus therefore was glad enough,
With her to fnug quarters to hurry off.
13. Then and there did Amelia get her firft information
Of the wonders let down in the previous narration,
As having tranfpired fmce the memorable night,
When the old gent drove him forth in fuch plight.
14. And of his adventures with the fpiritual lady,
And the difhonorable attempt me made, he
Told, and how, fubfequently, the whole
Of his money by night in a tavern was ftole.
15. And how, in the wood he defpatched a villain,
And refcued a nobleman whom he was killin',
And became by one of his lucky hits,
A fchoolmafter at Ohnewitz.
1 6. And his fubfequent trials and tribulation,
And how he now againft all expe&ation,
Had found her in the theatre here,
All this he copioufly poured in her ear.
17. Hieronimus, now, in his turn, defired
To hear what in her experience had tranfpired,
And the fair one proceeded to relate,
As follows, her hiftory up to date.
146 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
CHAPTER XXXII.
How the damfel Amelia tells Hier animus the ftory of her
life. A very long chapter, becaufe the perfon /peaking
is a female. Exafily one hundred verfes.
4 C A MELIA Ripraps my proper name is :
**The place where into the world I came, is
The celebrated town of A. A.
There I firft faw the light of day.
Of Hieronimus yobs, the Candidate. 147
2. " My father was an advocate, had many cafes
Both there and in the neighboring places,
For he knew the jura thoroughly
And underftood chicanery.
3. "The moft complicated cafes he would take'em
And ftill more complicated make'em,
And many an art and trick he knew
For fpinning out fhort cafes, too.
4. " His ingenuity many a clever
Rogue from the gallows did deliver j
And, by recommending the crime
Of perjury juft in the nick of time,
5. " He brought off many a cheat inglorious,
Over his honorable opponent victorious,
Relieved many a one of fore diftrefs
And many a poor devil of his bread, I guefs.
6. " He hated peace and compromifing,
Much rather, in every cafe, advifing,
However trifling the matter might be,
Recourse to law and chicanery.
7. " He kept his clients in a round of dances
Through all poffible legal inftdncesy
And kept them appealing, on and on,
Until their very laft penny was gone.
8. " For the reft, he ferved to the beft of his fcience
And fidelity the clients who placed on him reliance,
Yet, now and then, for variety's fake,
From the oppofite party a bribe would take.
148 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
9. " Of a tolerable property he thus got pofleffion j
What to others was a curfe, was to him a blefling,
And when to wrangling and quarrelling fell,
He took the oyfter and gave each a fhell.
10. "My blefled mother was the daughter
Of a wealthy farmer of the higheft order,
Who litigated to fuch a degree
That he ruined himfelf and his property.
11. " My father had ferved him as advocate duly
And given him counfel faithfully and truly,
And fo at length, he got for his pay
The farmer's pretty daughter one day.
12. " She had already rejected many
Who offered their hands in matrimony,
At the time when her father was yet well off
And had property enough.
13. " But as the incomes began to grow fewer,
No one cared any longer to woo her j
For the prettieft pennilefs face that goes
Will never tempt the men to propofe.
14. " She managed after awhile, however,
To catch my father, for me was clever,
And grounded to the laft degree
In all the arts of gallantry.
15. " My father took a fancy to her,
And fo, as aforefaid, became her wooer,
And, wifhing a partner of his life,
Befought her of the farmer for wife.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 149
1 6. " They tafted together many enjoyments
In their wedded life, and little annoyance,
At leaft for the firft three months or fo,
While marriage was yet a new thing, you knotv.
17. "And then her fine face and agreeable manner
Many a private income won her,
When fome rich party happened to be
Attentive to her particularly.
1 8. They managed to get from parties in cafes
A matter or two for houfehold ufes j
For the advocate's lady always got
What the advocate, her Lord, did not.
19. " When her hufband to his pleadings attended,
She meanwhile was not idle-handed,
And at fuch times in her apartments me
Had private hearings generally.
*o. " Now though I cannot pofitively declare it
For a fail, and folemnly fwear it,
That the above named advocate
Was my real father — at any rate
9.1. "I never in my life have heard the fuggeftion
That he fo much as raifed a queftion,
When, after about a year, may be,
My mother was delivered of me.
22. " The earlier parts of my childifh hiftory
Remain involved in the fhades of myftery,
However my father and mother loved me
As their only daughter tenderly.
150 The Lifet Opinions, Actions and Fate
23. " No pains were fpared on the formation
Of my manners and my education,
And they fent me to fchool at an early age
In the ufual ftudies there to engage.
24. " They ftriftly forbade, however, the teachers
To inflict on me blows or bitter fpeeches,
And in everything, fmall as it might be,
My will was confulted carefully.
25. " When I fcarcely was ten years old, my fancies
Began to devour all forts of romances,
And already far more of love I knew
Than other maidens of eighteen do.
26. " I was happy and vain to receive addrefles
From pretty young men, and fometimes carefles,
And many a praftical romance
In my thirteenth year did already commence.
27. " Perhaps 'twas a fault of my education,
That I felt very early an inclination,
Which never has yet my nature left, —
A fecret inclination to theft.
28. " My parents, fmitten with fatal blindnefs,
Called it childifh fport in their mifplaced kindnefs,
And when I was caught in fome wicked craft,
At their fly little daughter they only laughed.
29. " My fifteenth year was hardly over,
When I had already many a lover,
Which, with one of my not ugly face,
Could hardly fail of being the cafe.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 151
30. "Some of them feemed quite prefentable
In my father's eyes, at leaft not contemptible j
My mother, however, found in the fame
Many a thing to diflike and blame.
31. "It muft be a man of high pofition,
Equal to any in the land in condition,
Such a one or none, me faid,
Who mould ever her pretty daughter wed.
31. " But no man came, of high condition,
With a matrimonial propofition,
And to me it began to be tirefome
Waiting for fuitors who didn't come.
33. " I therefore thought in fome other manner
To fave from tarnifh my pride and honour,
And to meet the handfome young men I flew
To many a fecret rendez-vous.
34. " Fearing there might be fome mifcarriage,
Which would perhaps to my future marriage
Prove an obftacle, if me
Allowed me too much liberty,
35. "My mother took it in contemplation
To lay on my love-tricks fome limitation,
And by day and by night henceforward took
Notes of my every ftep and look.
36. " Now though its indulgence was thus prevented
The paflion itfelf was rather augmented,
For a ftriclly forbidden fruit will be
Sought always the more eagerly.
15* Yhe Lifgj Opinions, Actions and Fate
37. " And the greater the hindrance the more the defire,
So did it with my inclination tranfpire,
For I fought every opportunity
To gratify it fecretly.
38. " By night through my window often glided
Ghofts with flefh and bones provided,
Which then would ufually half the night
Stay with me till morning light.
39. " And when I happened to find nothing better
I got now and then a love-letter
Of fuch heart-breaking tenor, as we
Daily in every romance may fee.
40. "My nineteenth year had exaftly ended
When I one evening a ball attended,
And there with a gentleman acquainted became
Herr Baron Von Hogier was his name."
41. Hieronimus here interrupted her talking;
" Herr Von Hogier ? the thing is mocking !
His name, as well as his rank, the whole
Is familiar enough to me, by my foul !
42. " Herr Von Hogier was a fharper, I tell ye ! "
" He was all of that" refumed Amelia,
" And, dear Hieronimus, you fhall fee
What took place between him and me.
43. " To Herr Von Hogier I took a great liking,
His perfon and manners were very ftriking,
His elegant drefs and great peruke
At the very firft moment my fancy took.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 153
44. "He made me a very flattering propofal
Placed his hand and fortune at my difpofal,
And what pleafed and flattered me far more,
I was his only angel, he fwore.
45. " He alfo faid much of his goods and pofleflions
Situated in the land of the Heflians,
Though he now was travelling to and fro
Through the world incognito.
46. " He did alfo diftinaiy inftruft me
He'd like, if I pleafed, from home to abducl me,
If I at the hour appointed would ftand
Ready, with money and jewels in hand.
47. "And fo, by night, when nothing hindered,
The coffers and chefts at home I plundered,
Pocketed what I found without fear
And took my flight with Herr Von Hogier.
48. " We made our retreat in very good order,
'Till we about reached the laft Swabian border j
And during the firft four days of our ride,
Did not reft twelve hours, I'm fatisfied.
49. " What my parents thought, and how aftounded,
To find bags empty and daughter abfconded,
And how they took on and fwore and ftormed,
You may well imagine but cannot be informed.
50. " When we at laft arrived at W,
(Not with too long a ftory to trouble you)
We determined to tarry fome days there
To reft ourfelves and get good fare.
154 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
51. "We, therefore, as we propofed to, tarried,
And lived as cofy as if we were married,
And the Herr Baron Von Hogier
Behaved very tenderly to his dear.
52. "I therefore was now, in my own opinion,
Happier than a Queen in her dominion,
And thought of nothing but joy and glee
And pleafure and feftivity.
53. "But clofe on my heels was misfortune purfuing,
For before I could dream of anything brewing,
Suddenly and fecretly one night
Herr Von Hogier, per poft, took flight.
54. "My money, too, dear Hieronimus, (think on't,)
And my jewels were gone to the dogs in an inftant,
And of the valuables the whole
Which I from my parents before had ftole.
55. "I faw now, with all his cooing and billin',
That Herr Von Hogier was a fettled villain,
And that matters did not rightly ftand
With his eftate in the Heflian land.
56. " You can therefore eafily imagine
How much I took this thing in dudgeon,
For I had not dreamed that the Herr Von Hogier
Could be guilty of fuch tricks as this 'ere.
57. " Now left alone and by all forfaken,
I knew not what ftep was next to be taken,
And in delperation I looked around
To fee where a refuge could be found
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 155
58. "That I fhould go back again to my parents
Was an impofTible occurrence,
For fuch a courfe would certainly
Have been very uncomfortable to me.
59. " However I ftill, as a flight confolation,
Had twenty-four ducats remaining in my pofTeffion,
Which I, in cafe of future diftrefs,
Had fewed into my under-drefs.
60. "Thefe twenty-four ducats, I now bethought me,
A fpecial fortune feems to have brought me,
For they are now, moft certainly,
All my eftate and property.-
61. "I would not any longer tarry
But after Herr Von Hogier hurry,
And on the very felf-fame day,
I took the ftage and drove away.
62. " For I had at the poft-houfe received information
That he hired an extra for the occafion,
And was therefore probably by this,
In Swabia, as one might guefs.
63. " If at that time I could have caught him,
To juftice I at once would have brought him,
And I mould certainly have then
Got all my money back again.
64. " It was, my dear, in this occupation,
That on the well remembered occafion,
I found in the ftage coach a fad young man,
With whom my acquaintance then firft began.
156 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
65. " For the reft, up to this time I have never
Succeeded in getting any glimpfe whatever,
Nor have fo much as been able to hear
Of the whereabouts of Herr Von Hogier."
66. Here Hieronimus could not help breaking
In once again on Amelia fpeaking :
" Potz taufend ! I know well," he faid,
Where Herr Von Hogier the fcamp has fled.
67. "Shortly before our acquaintance, dear Amelia!
Herr Von Hogier, the son of Belial,
Spunged me out of much money one day
At a tavern by his tricky play.
68. " This was the principal occafion
Of my melancholy fituation
Of mind, which I at laft forgot
When in the ftage by your fide I fot.
69. "Herr Von Hogier, too, was one of the couple
Of travellers, difguifed as merchant people,
Who after fupper at the inn
Stole my money bag and all therein.
70. "The robber too, whom I killed, (as already
Stated,) when I faved the gentleman and lady,
Was verily, by his perfon and face,
No other than this fame fcape-grace.
71. "You, therefore, now may reft contented:
His future villanies are prevented,
And I have thus moft righteoufly
Avenged myfelf for his knavery."
Of Hier animus Jobs, the Candidate. 157
72. Amelia replied : " Thy histories,
My dear ! are full of curious myfteries,
And fo remarkable each event,
It fills me with aftonifhment !
73. " The proverb : what is fpun however finely,
Is fur e to come to the f untight finally,
Turns out exactly to a hair
In the case of that rafcal Hogier there.
74. " But to proceed in my own narration,
At the time of our fudden feparation,
On account of the watch I concluded to go on,
A while, on foot, and all alone.
75. " About that time, by good luck's providing,
An elderly gentleman came riding
Along in his carriage, and when he fpied
Me trudging on by the roadfide,
76. '* With fuch a fignificant fmile he beckoned,
That I was fitting by him in a fecond j
And, as my perfon pleafed him, he
Made a proportion to me:
77. " To be his chambermaid, and aid him
Drive off the blues that did often invade him,
For he lived alone without any wife,
And was an old bachelor for life.
78. " Now it would have been dangerous, I concluded,
And certainly I mould be deluded,
(So the thing began now to appear,)
To leek any further for Herr Von Hogier.
158 'The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
79. " And fo I could not make refufal
To the old gentleman's kind propofal,
Although his age and his gray hair,
Were not juft fuch as I wifhed they were.
80. " So I took up with him my habitation
And gave him effe&ual confolation,
And I behaved myfelf to him
As if I his lawful fpoufe had been.
8z. " He therefore held me in high eftimation,
And gave me the whole houfe-adminiftration,
And all the fervants, maids and men,
Subjected to my regimen.
82. " I superintended cellars and prefTes,
Kitchen and chamber and wardrobe and drefles,
Saw to the warning, table and bed,
And everything that came under that head.
83. "The keys of the chefts, the plates and platters,
And even the more valuable matters,
The linen and filver, were to me
Committed into cuftody.
84. " And from many an evening till the morrow,
I beguiled the old gentleman of his forrow,
And gave his troubled fpirit eafe
And miniftered to his neceflities.
85. " For the old gentleman would never
Do the leaft thing without me whatever,
And nothing in any department,
Could ever take place without my consent.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 159
86. " Of courfe, in addition to my compenfation,
I received from him many a valuable donation,
And, to make up any deficiency,
I ftole a trifle occafionally.
87. " Although now nothing external was wanting,
There was fomething always my fpirit haunting,
And the time feemed long when I began
To live with the old gentleman.
88. "'Tis true in the courfe of time the houfe-writer
Did make my fpirits a little lighter,
But, being rather fickly, he
Was not very interefting to me.
89. " I found it for my comfort necefTary,
After his death to get a new fecretary,
And you, my dear, juft then applied
For the vacant place of the one who had died.
90. " I had for you a prepofeffion,
At the very firft fight, I muft make the confeflionj
And this, you fee, was the reafon why
I fpoke in your favour fo earneftly.
91. " Of all the things that between us tranfpired,
From the time that you were firft hired
'Till the night he found you in my room,
Dear Hieronimus ! you are aware, I prefume.
92. " When he at that time difmifTed you,
I need not fay how much I miffed you,
But the old man continued all the more
To give fharp hints on that very fcore.
160 The Lifey Opinions, Actions and Fate
93. "His anger did my fpirits gall fo,
That I came very near leaving alfo,
And it was about as much as I could do
With my carefles to bring him to.
94. " Meanwhile, from that time, his inclination
For me gave place to alienation,
And to a new young kitchen maid
All his attention henceforth he paid.
95. " And therefore to relieve the depreflion
Of fpirits your abfence did occafion,
I lived thenceforward fomewhat free
With the old gentleman's lackey.
96. " But when our intercourfe he did difcover,
All chance of reconciliation was over,
No word of excufe would he wait to hear —
I muft pack up my duds at once and clear.
97. " Being now with money tolerably provided,
To travel through the world I decided,
'Till fome new opportunity
Of future fupport mould turn up for me.
98. " While through this neighborhood I wandered
A band of players I encountered,
And at my requeft the company
For a new actrefs accepted me.
99. "Already fome months have I been flaying
With them and in their fervice playing
Exceedingly well, as I'm inclined
To think, the parts to me afligned.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate, 161
100. " For the reft, it gratifies me greatly
To think of the good luck that lately
Has brought together you and me
For the third time fo happily."
1 62 The Lifey Opinions, Actions and Fate
CHAPTER XXXIII.
Hofw Hieronimus conceived a defire to be a play-aftort
and honv he <was perfuaded thereto by Mifs Amelia.
t_J IERONIMUS exceedingly wondered
At the ftory told in the previous hundred
Verfes, and quite forgot, from this day,
His patron and Bavaria.
2. He now determined that he never
Would leave Amelia on any account whatever,
And confequently took it in view
That he would be a comedian too.
3. When Amelia got information
Of this, me approved his determination,
And extolled her profefllon's dignity
In the following apology :
4. " I know from many an example,
That the ftage-player's profeflion has ample
Claim to be called the worthieft
Of all that in the world exift.
5. "For the theatre holds up a mirror
In which one fees, even plainer and clearer
Than in the world itfelf, how odd
Is the mixture in life of good and bad.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 163
6. " Now we have merry comedies,
And now we have tearful tragedies ;
Now they laugh and dance and fmg,
And now figh and groan and all that fort of thing.
7. " Now comical farces excite our laughter,
Now tears and bloodfhed follow right after ;
Now one is poor and now he's rich :
To-day in the parlor, the next in the ditch.
8. " Now he's a peafant and now he's a ruler,
Now he's a fool and now he's a fcholar j
Now he is young and now he is old,
Now he is warm and now he is cold.
9. " Now he is fober, now he is tipfy,
Now he's a capuchin, now he's a gipfyj
Now he's a beggar and now he's a bar'n,
Now he's a varlet and now a Herr Von.
10. " Now a renownift and now a lackey,
Now a chamberlain and now a blackey ;
Now a landlord and now a gueft,
Now a cowherd and now a prieft.
11. " Now a paftor — a philofopher famous,
Now a fexton — an ignoramus j
Now a monarch and now a fudge,
Now a hangman and now a judge.
iz. "Through thefe and other fimilar changes,
One, ever newly delighted, ranges,
And the courfe of the world is faithfully
Reprefented in all its variety.
164 ^he Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
13. "If we only play with all our powers
The parts which for the time are ours,
The audience applaud at the end
With a vehement clapping of the hand.
14. " On the contrary, when we fail or blunder,
The audience is down on us like thunder
The pit and galleries all laugh,
And hifs and yell and hoot us off."
15. "Your account, dear Amelia, I cannot deny it,
Pleafes me fo, I'm difpofed to try it,"
Anfwered with a hearty bufs
The new play-actor Hieronimus.
1 6. He was now to the manager prefented
And to him by Amelia recommended,
And on the next day following he
Was enrolled in the acling company.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 165
CHAPTER XXXIV.
How Hieronimus became a real player ', and how Mifs
Amelia was falfe to him and ran off with a rich
gentleman, and how he alfo in defperation went away.
INDULGENT reader! thou fhalt now be inftruaed
•*• How in his new profeflion Hieronimus conduced,
When once the manager had tried
His qualifications, and was fatisfied.
z. Drunken ftudents and profligate preachers,
Laughable fextons and ftupid teachers,
Secretaries amoroufly inclined,
Poltroons and rakes, and parts of that kind.
3. All thefe Hieronimus played to perfection,
Becaufe for fuch he'd a natural predilection,
And every time he appeared therein,
A general round of applaufe did win.
4. And when an author he did ena£l, or
Appeared in a fchoolmafter's character,
Now and then one feemed to fee
The author or fchoolmafter bodily.
1 66 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
5. But when the philofopher's part he affe&ed,
No great applaufe could be expe&ed,
And in fentimental paftoral
Hieronimus was juft next to nothing at all.
6. He played the fine gentleman very badly,
And, as a general thing, failed fadly
In any thing like a refpeftable part,
Or where there was much to be got by heart.
7. Hieronimus in this new employment
Experienced unalloyed enjoyment,
And blifsfully flew the moments away
In the arms of his queen — his Amelia.
8. He would not in his love-intoxication
Have exchanged for a king's his fituation,
And all his trouble and forrow, at laft,
Seemed to be over and ended and paft.
9. But how very feldom one of us liftens
To the proverb " All is not gold that gliftens."
Fortune often takes a freak
And plays us an unexpected trick.
10. Hieronimus (as you'll fee by what mail follow)
Was fated to find her promifes hollow,
For when he leaft dreamed of fuch a thing,
The greateft joy of his life took wing
u. The forrow by which he was now overtaken
The heavieft of all he did reckon,
Namely, his moft dearly beloved
Amelia unfaithful proved.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 167
I a. It happened thus : on a certain occafion
A rich young gentleman of confideration,
Saw the enchanting Amelia
Perform at the theatre in a play.
13. Now as there are ninnies all the world over,
He immediately became her lover,
And Amelia was flirewd enough
Not to treat him with a rebuff.
14. In reading her hiftory we eafily discover
That me had a great inclination, moreover,
(Becaufe me was a woman, you fee)
To frequent change and variety.
15. The rich young man frequent vifits paid her,
For which Hieronimus did upbraid her,,
His face grew black and his eyes grew red,
And in his defpair he wifhed himfelf dead.
1 6. But that only made him lefs amiable
To Amelia, and daily more intolerable,
And very foon he received from her
A renunciation formaliter.
17. When this blight fell on his aflfe&ions,
He at once diflblved his theatrical connexions,
And in extreme defperation of mind
Left the fcene of difgrace behind.
1 8. That we here may bring the narration
Of Amelia's life to a termination,
She left with the gentleman, and it is faid,
Died two v*ars after in child-bed.
1 68 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
CHAPTER XXXV.
Hofw Hieronimus returned home to Schildburg, and honu
he found there all forts of changes.
A ND fo Hieronimus was fated
To wander again, as above narrated,
And never before in his life had he
Set out fo difcontentedly.
2. Amelia's unlocked for infidelity
Seemed every hour a new reality,
And in his defpair he could fcarcely keep
Himfelf from taking the fatal leap.
3. *Tis true, if I may exprefs an opinion,
His patron in the Bavarian dominion
Would have been, in his prefent afflifted ftate,
His fureft refuge from adverfe fate.
4. But one who falls into tribulation
Is apt to lofe his felf-pofleflion,
And at fuch times, ('tis the general rule,)
Refigns his wits and afts the fool.
5. And fo in utter defperation
Hieronimus formed the determination
That he would now his fteps retrace
To Schildeburg, his native place.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 1 69
6. And now as he met with no detention
On his journey homeward, worthy of mention,
He did at laft, thank Heaven ! arrive
At the place of his deftination, alive.
7. Here, when the firft falutations were over,
He very foon began to difcover
That many changes had taken place
In his long abfence from the place.
8. His mother, indeed, he found ftill living,
But in outward circumftances far from thriving,
Indeed her means were very ftrait,
And her bread was earned with trouble great.
9. He learned with forrow, that one brother
Had gone the way of all flefh, another
Had opened a little Nuremberg mop,
Whereby he managed to fill his crop.
10. The eldeft brother had fuccefsfully courted
The uglieft woman the country fupported,
But the money which me did poflefs
Made him forget her uglinefs.
11. He alfo learned that his eldeft fifter
Had conne&ed herfelf in marriage with Mifter
Kircher, the fexton of the place,
And lived with him in pretty good cafe.
12. His fifter Gertrude one Mr. Geier
Had wedded, and become a father by her,
But thereupon was off like the wind,
And left both bride and infant behind.
15
170 The Life, Opinions , Actions and Fate
13. She tried her beft to earn her living,
Her fervices indifcriminately giving
To young people of the richer fort,
From whom me thus received a fupport.
14. Another fitter, they did inform him,
An old widower took to keep houfe and warm him,
And, in fo far, appeared to be
Living with him in peace and unity.
15. And, laft of all, his younger fifter,
A blooming maiden, whofe name was Either,
Did ftill to her mother folace afford,
And get from her her daily board.
1 6. Now, Hieronimus's return made his mother
Very happy, and no doubt, each fifter and brother,
Becaufe they fo long had not feen him, nor heard
Of his whereabouts a fingle word :
17. Still, at the fame time, it would not do for
Him to be living at home as a loafer,
And fo they began to take in view
What bufmefs there was Hieronimus might do.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate.
CHAPTER XXXVI.
Hoiv Hieronimus became a night-watchman in Schild-
burg, and honv bis mother's dream and Mrs. Urgalin-
dina"s prophecy nuere fulfilled.
it came to pafs that the man they hired
As watchman in Schildburg had lately expired,
And fo the office was lying void,
Vacant, empty and unfupplied.
-jt The Lifet Opinions, Actions and fate
2. As, now, in all ftates that are ordered rightly,
The watchman can't be difpenfed with nightly j
The burghers confulted in the prefent cafe
On ordaining another to fill his place.
3. Now many fit fubjefts might have been felefted
Who to taking the office would not have objefted,
But, on account of his powerful voice,
Hieronimus feemed to be their choice.
4. *Tis true fome perfons at firft made objections
And caft upon him perfonal reflections,
As if Hieronimus would not do
Exactly for the office in view.
5. For the city would not, fo they contended,
If he were watchman, be well defended,
For how could he who preferred to fleep
When he ought to wake, the city keep ?
6. Neverthelefs did Hieronimus
Very foon receive a unanimous
Invitation from the bourgeoifie
That he would the new night-watchman be.
7. But firft it would be neceflary
His predeceflbr's widow he mould marry,
For the deceafed had ftood very high
In the city's efteem defervedly.
8. And fo, by way of compenfation
To his highly affli&ed widow, the corporation
To the other qualifications tacked on
The marrying of her perfon as zjine qua non.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 173
9. Now, as her age was thirty only,
And her perfon certainly not very homely,
Hieronimus accepted the terms propofed
And his predeceflbr's widow efpoufed.
10. And now to old and young, as they flumb-ered,
The hours of night were again mufically numbered,
For Hieronimus, the new
Watchman put his horn to his mouth and blew.
11. And whenever the clock was heard from the tower,
He began as follows to call the hour:
" Hark ye, gentlemen, as ye lie there ftill,
And hear what I to you fmg and tell :
12. "The clock has juft proclaimed the hour,
Twelve, one, two, three, from the old church tower ,•
Take care, if I may you advife,
Of fire and light and your daughters likewife !
13. "That no one may fet anything on fire,
Or any other harm may tranfpire,
Be careful, therefore, and fee to't,
To 't, to *t, to 't, toot ! toot ' toot ! toot ! "
14. For the reft he fteadily conduced
Himfelf as a watchman well inftrufted j
Slept foundly all day long that he
Might at night more wakeful be.
15. In all the time of his finging and watching
No thief dared rifk his power of catching,
So that Schildburg was entirely free
From all nocturnal burglary.
174 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
1 6. And every citizen, however foundly fnoring,
Woke when Hieronimus his blaft was pouring,
And the found of his horn and his nightly call
Were heard throughout the town by all.
17. A wonderful coincidence this muft be reckoned
With Frau Jobs's dream (in chapter fecond,)
And all turns out, to a hair, for us
In the cafe of the watch Hieronimus.
1 8. And that which Urgalindina ftated,
When about the boy's future interrogated,
On the ground of chiromantic art,
Was verified now in every part.
19. Now that the things were fulfilled completely,
The explanation could be made very neatly,
As with prophecies is always the cafe j
They're myfteries till the event takes place.
20. Meantime Frau Schnepperle's talk (remember)
When Frau Jobs was keeping child-chamber,
(As may be read in chapter 3)
Has not as yet been fulfilled, you fee.
21. And, from our prefent information,
We mould fay that Frau Schnepperle's reputation
In the matter of phyflognomy
Muft fuffer very confiderably.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate.
CHAPTER XXXVII.
How Hieronimus received a vifit from friend Death,
'who took him to his reft. A chapter which would do
for a funeral fermon.
^HERE'S a fenfible faying which, for ages,
As is very well known to all of us fages,
Through learned books has run its round,
(In the old church-father Horace 'tis found :)
176 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
a. As well againjl the palace portals.
As againjl the doors of the poor eft mortals,
Friend Death, who is everywhere well-known,
Knocks with his old dry knuckle-bone.
3. That is, when popularly tranflated,
All that lives to die is fated,
As well the monarch as the boor,
As well the rich man as the poor.
4. Inasmuch as friend Death makes not the fmalleft
Diftin&ion between the loweft and tailed,
But cuts down all both low and high,
With the ftrifteft impartiality.
5. And, as he ever flyly watches,
The cavalier and the clown he catches,
The beggar and alfo the great Sult&n,
The tailor and alfo the Tartar Khan.
6. And with his fcythe his rounds he goeth
And honorables and lackeys moweth,
The herdsmaid and the titled dame,
Without diftinclion of place or name.
7. He liftens to no compromifes j
Both crowns and bag-wigs he defpifes,
Doctor's hats and flag's horns
And whatever elfe men's heads adorns.
8. A thoufand things he has command of,
By which he us can make an end of,
And now the dagger, and now the peft,
And now a grape-ftone, gives us reft.
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 177
9. A ficknefs now and now a panic,
And now a miftaken dofe of arf^nic,
Poifon or pleafure or very fpite,
Or love or grief or a mad dog's bite.
10. Now a law-fuit and now a fplinter,
Now a bad woman and now a bad winter,
Now a noofe or other fnare,
Of which may Heaven help us beware.
ii. Againft his darts, when they aflail us,
No d' Arson's floating batteries '11 avail us,
Friend Death, the ravenous, is not feared
By cannon or fortrefs, fhield or fword.
12. The commandant of the Seven Towers,
The grand vizier in his harem's bowers,
As well as Diogenes in his tub,
All — all are fwallowed by him for grub.
13. So is it as far as memory reaches,
As far as ancient hiftory teaches j
Jacob Bohme and Ariftotl^s,
Klaus Narre and Demofthenes j
14. Misfhapen Efop his fables tellin',
And the Grecian beauty, world-famed Helen,
Unhappy Job and King Solomon,
Gave up the ghoft and now are gone.
15. Emperor Max and Jobs the Senator
Virgil and Hans Sachs my ancSftor,
Goliath great and David fmall,
Early or late, they perimed all.
178 The Life, Opinions, Actions and Fate
1 6. Nicholas Klimm and Marcus Aurelius,
Cato and Eulenfpiegelius,
Ritter Samfon and old Don
Quixote, alas, they are dead and gone.
17. Kartouche and King Alexander together,
As like each other as birds of a feather,
Bramarbas the hero and Hannibal,
Met the common deftiny all.
1 8. Great Auguftus, alfo Poland's
Hero and Charles XII., nolens volens,
As well as the Perfian Shah Kulikan
And Czar Peter, that famous man j
19. Item, Xerxes, with his hoft fo enormous,
Potiphar, of whom the fcriptures inform us,
And Polyphemus, the one-eyed,
And old Methufalem have died.
20. All — all — to the grave they had to carry,
Calvin and Father Santa Clara,
Likewife the Patriach Abraham
And alfo Erafmus of Rotterdam.
21. Muller Arnold, too, and the Ruffian
Imperial Dynafty and the Pruflian
Lawyers, and April, well known,
Who fell down ftairs at Ratifbon.
aa. All — all — have funk beneath his fickle,
Hippocrates Magnus and Schuppachs Michel,
Galenus and Doftor Menadie,
With the Salernian Academy j
Of Hieronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 179
23. Not one of them found time for fleein',
Not Noftradamus nor fuperintendent Ziehen :
With doftor Fauft, dreamer Swedenburg, too,
He made a clean fweep and went through.
24. Orpheus, the great mufician,
Molifcre, the comedian of the Parifian nation,
And the famous painter Apelles,
Friend Death has fwept away all thefe.
25. The long-eared Midas, (all children know it,)
Homerus, the old blind beggar-poet,
Veftris the dancer and brave Tamerlane,
Struggled with the deftroyer in vain.
26. Ah yes, dear reader! with terrible grip he
Seized and devoured Penelope, Xanthippe,
Judith, Dido, Lucretia,
And the queen from far Arabia.
27. Cynic Timon, Democritus the laughing phyfician,
Juggler Schropfer and Simon the magician,
Socrates and young Werther, the one
A wife man, t'other a fimpleton.
28. Bucephalus and Roffinante
And Abulabas the Elephant, he,
With the horfe Bayard and Balaam's afs,
Took for a morning meal like grafs.
29. Summa Summarum, the long and the mort is,
That in none of the chronicles do we find notice,
That friend Death has ever any one patted
Without coming back for him at laft.
180 The Life, Opinions , Actions and Fate
30. And what he has not eaten already
He will not fail to remember when he's ready :
Alas ! dear reader, alfo thee,
And, what is worft of all, even me !
31. From the common lot (we've now to mention,)
Hieronimus, the watchman, found no exemption,
Him, too, friend Death removed from the ftage,
When forty years and three weeks of age.
32. He caught an inflammatory fever
From which he might have recovered, however,
If they had only let nature
That beft of nurfes, work his cure.
33. But a doctor who in curing was mighty,
With a powerful dofe of Elixir Vitas,
In the very beft method carried him faft
To the place where we all muft go at laft.
34. And now when to the grave they bore him,
The Schildeburgers did loudly deplore him,
For there had not, in many a century,
Been known fuch a famous night watchman as he.
NOTE.
One is reminded by this chapter of " Father Mulvaney's
Sarmon" in Mrs. Hall's Lights and Shadows of Irifli Life :
" Now you fee that the great min of ould times are all dead !
not a mortial fowl of them all alive."
" There was Julus Cafar and twelve of them there was —
mortus est — he's dead !"
Of Hteronimus Jobs, the Candidate. 181
" There was the great Cleopatra, an Egyptian, and a great
warrior ; he ufed to drink purls for ivathtr — mortus est ! he's
dead too ! There was Marc Anthony, a grate frind and
coajuthor of Cleopatra's, he had a grate turn for boating and
the like — mortus est — he's dead too ! There was Charley-
mange, a grate Frinch man of laming. and tongues, and
with all his laming — mortus est — he's dead too ! There was
the grate Alexandre the gineral of the whole wide world —
mortu-s est — he's dead too ! There was the grate
Cicero, a mighty fine pracher like myself — mcrtus est — he's
dead too !"
FIJ\T—
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